Bracelets
Tracy Lee • March 23, 2020
Recently, my daughter blessed our family with a tiny blue bundle of joy. The event has brought us great happiness and has enriched the love bonds between the four generations of living ancestral heritage. Her pregnancy was not without great risk however, and at times, we were quite apprehensive at what might end in great tragedy for our family.
When I was a little girl, my aunt had a number of miscarriages. There was great sadness within our family, and my aunt was extremely fragile from suffering extraordinary loss and complicated grief. Eventually, my dear aunt was blessed with a biological child of her own.
As my daughter’s pregnancy progressed, the much-anticipated sonogram day came upon us. We discovered that her child was a boy. In order to commemorate this wonderful blessing into our family, I decided to purchase a bracelet for my daughter. The bracelet was the type where you can buy beads to symbolize important events, and add to it as time progresses. I purchased blue beads and one silver bead with red hearts, as the day she had her sonogram was Valentine’s Day.
My daughter’s bracelet became very popular and so I decided that I would give a bracelet to the women who were hosting her baby shower. I wanted the bracelets to have sentimental value, so I decided to hand-make each one of them. There were five women working on her shower, and so that meant five additional bracelets.
The shower was a wonderful event with over thirty friends and family in attendance. At the end of the shower, I gave the five women the handmade bracelets. They were very appreciative. I explained to them that as my grandson experienced life’s milestones, they would each receive a new bead commemorating the event. A day or two later, I began receiving questions and requests from various women who had attended the shower for additional bracelets. It seemed the bracelets had been quite impressive.
My daughters decided they would also like to make bracelets for a few women who had suffered significant loss. The bracelets were easily customized to any circumstance, and so we began receiving requests for bracelets recognizing the losses of sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents, etc. Soon we were making bracelets for numerous people. My daughters decided to name their bracelets “Beaded Sentiments.” They opened an Etsy store online so that as people requested bracelets, they could visit the store and order accordingly. My girls began a foundation to subsidize funeral expenses for infantile loss and the profits from their sales go into their fund for disbursement.
My mother and her sister had attended my daughter’s baby shower and had requested bracelets for themselves. After receiving their bracelets, my mother and her sister were called upon to travel to South Louisiana for a family funeral. Upon their return, my mother and her sister informed me that my aunts in South Louisiana, were quite captivated with the bracelets and thought they would each like to have one.
Soon after their return, my mother and her sister suffered another familial death. As they prepared to travel to South Louisiana again, I decided to make my aunts each a bracelet. As I was assembling these bracelets, I decided to put a tiny baby carriage on my aunt’s bracelet to symbolize the loss of her sweet babies so many years ago. My mother was concerned. She feared that the baby carriage bead would reawaken old wounds for my aunt, and thought it would be better left off the bracelet. I decided that I would include the bead. As a funeral director, I thought it would comfort my aunt to know that her tragedy was still remembered by her family.
My mother and her sister took the bracelets to South Louisiana. I knew my mother was uncomfortable that the baby carriage bead was on the bracelet, but she gave it to my aunt as I had requested.
My aunt sent back words of appreciation for the bracelet and especially for the thoughtful baby carriage bead. You see, a mother never forgets the loss of a child. She painstakingly adjusts her life to be able to contain her heartache, hoping that one day she will see her beautiful child on the other side of life.
Nearly 50 years later, my aunt still remembers the sting of losing her beloved babies, and she finds comfort in a bracelet that says others do too.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.