Charity
jgreen • September 22, 2014
Charity: benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity
It seems as though I helped this particular family about two years ago, but in reality, it was only nine months. I received a call during a severe thunderstorm that a friend had died. My husband and I jumped into our older hearse because the weather was questionable. We had concerns about trees uprooting in the strong winds and thought our newer hearse should stay in the garage for safekeeping. As we turned eastward out of our driveway, we could see the stop sign twisting back and forth, just as it does in the movies when a twister is touching down. As we turned onto the highway going out of town, we saw flashing lights and noticed there was a large pine tree stretching clear across the road, blocking our way.
In true military fashion, my husband refused to let a 60 foot tree across the highway stop his mission, so we drove straight over the top of it and waved hello to the police officers as they shook their heads in disbelief. As we continued down the highway, I could see bits of trees flying in front of me, and it reminded me of the many “Storm Chaser” episodes I have watched with my children.
Before we reached our destination, we passed over three very old and very large trees across the highway, and had to avoid downed power lines as well.
We arrived in safety, even though we were a little bit shaky from the experience. The storm was a strong one, and it was truly frightening. We pulled under the decedent's balcony to try to shield the back end of the hearse from the storm.
We went upstairs into the largest apartment I had ever seen, filled with the biggest and friendliest family I have ever met. They were all there, sisters, aunts, uncles, children, parents and neighbors. I have written other articles about this family because they are amazingly special. I think of all of the people I have met over the years, the parents of this family are the most charitable. They are the type of people you think about and aspire to emulate, and that transcends down through their posterity.
The decedent's sisters greeted me one by one, giving me hugs and encouragement. The men of the family helped my husband move the decedent from her bed onto our gurney, and then they helped carry her down to the ground floor where our hearse awaited.
As the storm was finally passing over, a few of her other sisters arrived, and I was glad to see them. We decided to meet the following morning to finalize the details of her service.
In the days and events that followed the death of this special woman, I was reminded of the charity this family possesses. Throughout my experiences with them, I have never witnessed a harsh word or frowny face pass between any of them. This tolerance is an amazing feat because this family so large and when someone has died, it becomes particularly difficult to be gracious around so many emotionally charged personalities and opinions.
I asked them how they did it. How did they keep so many people thrown together under the stress of death from having moments of malice and discontent? They shared their secret with me. It was so simple; I do not know why other families have not thought of it as well. Their secret is so valuable that I asked if I could share it, and they said yes.
They told me that their family was no different from any other. They have little squabbles and disagreements amongst themselves. They are unique however, in that, there is one thing they do that I have never seen before, they designate a “Watcher” among themselves.
When tragedy first strikes, they all agree to treat each other with tolerance, to judge in a favorable attitude the actions of one another, and to practice impartial love in each situation that might call for such virtue. This agreement is remarkable.
Secondly, if emotions surface at any event, the “Watcher” comes over and escorts anyone he deems to be near compromising these terms of cooperation off the property, no questions asked. Once they collect themselves, they are free to return, but they have to be able to rededicate themselves to their familial agreement. By the way, this is a blended family, so one expects temper flares at large gatherings.
My friend’s service was beautiful and she was laid to rest with peace and tranquility beside other family members that we have buried in the past. Her services were undisturbed by any poor behavior and were filled with cooperation and love from among her family members. I was overcome with love and respect for them, and they renewed my faith in charity.
If you are called upon to attend services, remember this family and their charity toward each other. If you have ill feelings for someone at a funeral service, hold them back and understand that this is not the proper time or place to express them. Exercise charity and your heart and well-being will grow.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.