Embrace Every Moment
Tracy Lee • May 20, 2020
At the beginning of the first Gulf War, I had an opportunity to spend every penny I had to my name in order to fly to Singapore to see my husband who had been on deployment with the US Navy for five and one-half months. The reality of war meant that his current trip home would temporarily port in Singapore for five days and then turn around and head straight back to where he had left; the Gulf War region of the world.
In the life of a military wife, the possibility that I would not see my husband for another five and one-half months was now a reality, the possibility that I would never see him again was now a threat with a great big red exclamation point behind it. I was terrified.
I was very nervous to scrape up every penny that we had, but I was determined to see my husband before he went off to war. I needed to express my dedication to him and my absolute dependence for him to return to my side. He needed to know that without him I would be unable to breathe, that my heart would stop beating, and that my life would immediately end. He needed to know that our sweet baby needed him to come home because she loved her daddy so deeply that growing up without him would not be possible. He needed to know that our prayers of protection would pour out to heaven every moment of the day and that angels would surround him when he was in danger.
Unfortunately, the airlines found out what was going on and instantly air tickets jumped from $500.00 to $5,000.00. Five hundred dollars for a poor military family living in San Diego CA during that time was an astronomical fee, five thousand dollars was impossible. But, I was determined that not even the airlines would keep me from what might possibly be my last chance to see my husband alive. I pulled every penny we had out of the bank, dug for change through coat pockets and the couch, and purchased my airfare.
I was teaching art classes at the time so it was necessary for me to rearrange my commitments to my students. One of my students was a wife of a Retired Combat Veteran. She pulled me to the side and shared her great wisdom with me. She advised me that the first two days with my husband would be wonderful, but the third day together would be sad. I was so confused. I had no idea what she was telling me. She continued. The third day would be our “Hump Day”. She cautioned me not to think about it, not to let the fact that we were on our downhill slide of having to separate, destroy the final few days that we would have together. She said to push it out of my mind anyway possible and to enjoy every moment we had. Her advice was worth more than I paid for that blasted airline ticket. In fact, her advice was invaluable.
On the third day together, I woke up and immediately realized that we were beginning the end of our time together. Just a quickly as I thought that I also remembered what my wise student had told me. I wiped the worries away and I enjoyed every moment I had with my husband in Singapore. We painted that town green, let me tell you. We shopped, toured, ate out, and enjoyed every green dollar that we spent. Thank goodness, the American dollar had value there because we only had what my husband had in his pocket to spend.
I think about this experience and the advice my student gave me often in life. She must have seen something in my personality that motivated her to share this priceless advice with me when it was critical for my survival. She said that if worry took over, regret would fill my life if my husband were lost during battle. Regret that our last few days together on earth had been ruined with sadness and worry rather than happiness and blissful expressions of love. She was right - and to this day, I remain grateful to my art student for teaching me, her teacher, something I did not know.
Now that 2018 is here, I find myself thinking, wow, 2020 is just around the corner. For my husband and me, 2020 marks a milestone in our lives. Although my husband has been retired from the military for over 20 years, in 2020, he and I will hit the customary age of retirement in America. I do not know if it is because I labor in the field of death or what, but I think about the day that death will hit either my husband or me quite often. I bury decedents younger than myself regularly, and I wonder if my time is near. Sometimes it motivates me to arrange my life so that those I leave behind will not be burdened with my affairs. Other times worry lets sadness touch my heart and I cannot bear the thoughts that fill my soul.
On days that worry overtakes me, I remember my wise art student’s advice. If death were to strike me tomorrow, I would not want to have given up even one second of happiness with my family over worrying. And so, I push worry and sadness aside, as I did in Singapore, and I fill my heart with all of the glorious blessings that God has given me. I call my children and my grandchildren. I express my love for them and the joy that each of them brings me, and I walk over to my husband, embrace him, and whisper in his ear that I love him. Privately, I offer thanks to God for the priceless gift of love and the joy it has given me.
Recently, my husband and I were approached by a marketing group about filming a YouTube show. Primarily it would focus on highlighting our marriage, our intense devotion, and our love for each other. My husband and I are concerned because we both wonder how our daily life together could fill a YouTube channel with enough interest to engage a faithful audience. I was discussing it with one of our daughters recently and she said the sweetest thing to me. “Just being around you and daddy is a gift. Your marriage is something that people dream about and yearn for. You should share it.”
When I die, I hope that whoever delivers my eulogy will know me well enough to pass along my art student’s cherished advice. “Never let worry rob from you the gift of joy; embrace every blissful moment of love afforded to you, and appreciate your time together.” And, I hope that everyone in the room shares my daughter's sentiments: that my life with my husband has been a wonderful gift and that our marriage has been a dream come true. I hope these things for you too.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am the owner and Managing Funeral Director of Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City, Texas. I am an author, syndicated columnist, and Certified Grief Counselor. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.