GRIEF RECOVERY ASSISTANCE

Grief recovery can be elusive and long-suffering. If you are ready to recover from the loss of your loved one, you might consider the following information as a base to move forward.

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GRIEF RECOVERY SUCCESS

Success in moving through grief depends on your willingness to recover.

If you are the type of person that enjoys or thrives on being a victim, you will most likely travel very slowly through recovery.

You must decide that you want to recover, that you are willing to move your loved one into a memory, and that you are going to overcome your heartache.

Without these decisions, you will remain trapped within your own recurring grief cycle indefinitely. (Mourning Light I, 2016)

Deciding to recover is the first step in grief recovery. Without this decision, you will wander aimlessly in never-ending pain and turmoil.

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PSYCHOTHERAPY

For complicated grief, psychotherapy is sometimes warranted.

Counseling can help a survivor identify unhealthy habits and encourage positive growth.

It can yield a recovery plan that the survivor is unable to identify, implement, and accomplish on his or her own. (Mourning Light I, 2006)

Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is a way to help people with a broad variety of mental illnesses and emotional difficulties. Psychotherapy can help eliminate or control troubling symptoms so a person can function better and can increase wellbeing and healing.

Problems helped by psychotherapy include difficulties in coping with daily life; the impact of trauma, medical illness, or loss, like the death of a loved one; and specific mental disorders, like depression or anxiety. There are several different types of psychotherapy and some types may work better with certain problems or issues. Psychotherapy may be used in combination with medication or other therapies. (https://www.psychiatry.org)

If you have a history of coping difficulties or used this tool in the past and feel as though it was worthwhile, you might consider using it again. Psychotherapy and grief counseling can assist you in identifying and implementing sound coping strategies. It can bring on a sense of wellbeing faster than going it alone in certain situations.

If, on the other hand, you already have adequate coping strategies or you have experienced grief recovery previously, you may want to tackle grief recovery on your terms. ,If this is the case, there are proven skills that can assist you in your recovery journey.

1. My first suggestion to start your active recovery is exercise. Exercise is essential to your health whether or not you are grieving. It increases your life span and improves your health. Exercise is a good idea for everyone.

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EXERCISE I

Exercise is good for the heart, body, and soul.

A 20 to 40-minute aerobic activity results in an improvement in the survivor's state of mind.

A vigorous pumping heart decreases anxiety, lifts the mood, and creates a positive experience that persists for several hours.

Psychological benefits associated with exercise are a welcome bonus for the bereaved.

They are comparable to the gains found with standard forms of psychotherapy. (Mourning Light I, 2016)

2. My second suggestion is hobbies. Hobbies help us by clearing the congestion out of our concentration and allow us to focus on one thing, something we enjoy, our project.

Doing something that we enjoy teaches us that joy is still possible in our lives and that joy does not dishonor our loved one. It also helps us review the roadmap of successful project completion. It helps us implement the mechanics of successful patterning (beginning, accomplishing, and completing) into our recovery journey.

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HOBBIES

Hobbies occupy the mind and hands.

They engage our brains and keep them in good health.

Hobbies create a sense of accomplishment.

They propel us toward a healthier and happier grief recovery.

(Mourning Light I, 2016)

3. My third suggestion is socialization. Loneliness and sadness are the two most common feelings associated with grief. Socialization, or re-entry into your life, is the only way to overcome these debilitating feelings.

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LONELINESS

Loneliness is frequently expressed by the bereaved, especially by those who have lost their spouses.

Social loneliness may be curbed through social support.

Emotional loneliness, however, is brought on by a broken attachment.

With such, a new attachment is the only remedy.

Certain survivors are unwilling to form new attachments and thereby endure severe loneliness indefinitely.

This behavior is more common among the elderly. (Mourning Light I, 2016)

4. Accounting for Grief Brief 27, how does one begin socializing in a manner that will acclimate them to a level whereby they can begin reaching out to accomplish this task and leave loneliness and sadness behind? My fourth suggestion is Grief Brief 38. It provides a gentle transition back into the world of socialization.

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FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Family and friends can be a great resource for grief recovery.

Traveling to visit loved ones in other areas or having them visit the survivor offers

companionship that is familiar, uplifting, and relative to their life's experiences. (Mourning Light I, 2016)

5. Another great way to build up relationships is through serving others. When you are in the service of others, it is impossible to pity yourself. Your attention is focused on their needs rather than your own, and your reward is infinite.

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SERVICE

Service to others allows survivors to transfer their focus onto someone other than themselves and onto something other than their own woes. It allows them to develop new skills or share existing talents. It builds new or strengthens old relationships. It forces one out of the house, and makes survivors feel needed, wanted, loved, and appreciated. Feeling needed and putting others' needs before your own gives value to self and builds confidence by re-establishing outward focus. (Mourning Light Compilation, 2022)

6. Another suggestion to assist you in resocialization is Grief Brief 37. Grief Brief 37 champions the benefits of religion. Not everyone is religious, and that is fine; however, perhaps you feel more comfortable with meditation or yoga if you are not religious.

Persons interested in these activities can find a social group to join.

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RELIGION

Religion offers hope for the future and forgiveness for the past.

It also offers like-minded support and understanding.

It can be a source for counseling and resocialization, a gateway for grief recovery. (Mourning Light I, 2016)

7. Complementing Greif Brief 37 would be Grief Brief 394, Prayer. By far, my clients tell me that prayer is their most outstanding tool to fight against grief. I can attest to this myself. Without prayer, I should have perished upon the loss of my grandson.

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4 STEP PATHWAY TO RECOVERY

STEP 4: PRAYER

"…Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:21-22)

Prayer is the most comforting tool available to you. It is the tool that brings solace when you feel alone and chases away the demons that grief ushers in. It is the link to Christ that blankets you with his peace. And, it is the tool that opens the gate to the miracle of recovery. (Mourning Light Compilation, 2022)

If you are embarking on this journey or have been on it for a while, I hope you will consider these suggestions to assist you toward your recovery. If you feel you need additional assistance, you might consider joining a support group or enlisting the guidance of counseling.

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John was Love

By Tracy Lee • September 28, 2020

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.

girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer

Mikey Joe XIX - Sympathy Gift

By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020

I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.