Mikey Joe II - Acknowledgment Cards
Tracy Lee • May 21, 2020
As a funeral director, I am often asked about acknowledgment cards. One of my funeral arts classes, while attending college, focused on the traditions and etiquette surrounding funerals, so acknowledgment cards are an easy subject to explain.
Acknowledgment cards are merely thank you cards addressing services performed by those who participated in any way at a funeral or assisted in relieving the mourner’s burdens. They should be written on card stock, rather than plain paper, and sent out in a timely fashion. Funeral homes offer funeral specific cards for your convenience.
Personally, I have always thought the cards offered by the funeral industry were a little lacking. Therefore, when asked about acknowledgment cards, I always offer an alternative; blank cards from the dollar store.
This past week I had the daunting task of writing and sending acknowledgment cards to those who assisted with my grandson's funeral. My daughter and her family have suffered emotionally over his loss and as they have experienced exhaustive travel, I volunteered to take on the task.
I am a stationery collector. I have drawers and shelves full of beautiful stationery for every occasion. I love the different designs, weights, sentiments, etc. of each individual set. I do not usually purchase stationery at stationery specific stores. I search out lovely boutiques in towns that focus on appealing to shoppers with unique and discriminating appreciation.
As I approached my task of writing my grandson’s acknowledgment cards, I chose a box of cards that I have treasured for decades. They were lovely - elegant peacocks in a grand display, poised before pure white Grecian columns, painted in beautiful hues by the impressionist’s brush and accented with swirls of gold embossing. I purchased these cards when I was a missionary in the south of France in the early 1980’s. I have held on to these cards for a very long time, holding them in reserve for a very special purpose. I never suspected that purpose would be to express my deepest gratitude for services rendered to my family by those who care and love us most.
As with most things related to my profession, I felt adequately qualified for the task. I sat down at my desk and began putting pen to card. Suddenly, I realized that the experience would be very different than I had anticipated.
Writing an acknowledgment card is nothing like writing a thank you card. A thank you card is usually written about something wonderful; either a gift received, or a kind act performed in your favor. An acknowledgment card is written to thank someone for serving you on the worst day of your life. A day when life is broken, when breathing takes a conscious effort, and when nothing else in the world matters to you. How do you put that; the magnitude of someone’s kindness and service to you, on a little three and a half by five card? You cannot.
For three days, I would approach my desk, take my pen in hand, and attempt the task. For three days, I was unable to accomplish it. As I would touch the lovely cards, purchased so long ago and treasured for a special purpose, my heart would be so full that I could not wipe the tears away from my eyes swiftly enough to keep them from spilling down my face. The words within my heart inadequately represented my soul’s expressions.
Finally, on the fourth day, I had an epiphany. Those plain, pre-printed acknowledgment cards offered by the funeral industry, perhaps were not so lacking after all. I rose from my desk and went to my arrangement room. I reached into the secretary drawer and pulled out a box of plain white cards with black script embossing. I realized a new appreciation for their simplicity and fulfillment of purpose.
I looked at those cards that I so often told clients were not worth their cost and realized that they were worth more than the elegantly printed stationary that I had treasured for so many decades. The simple sentiment, embossed in bold contrast, eloquently expressed all that I needed to say. “Thank you for your kindness and sympathy. It was received with deepest appreciation.”
As I signed my and my daughter’s names to the cards, I remained unable to reign in my emotions as I recalled with great love and appreciation, each act of kindness received from our friends and family. I will never forget their service and love to us on that sad and dreadful day.
Our signatures are barely legible on those cards, but I know that our friends and family realize that I was signing them blindly through tears of sorrow and pain. Preprinted acknowledgment cards may be simple and basic, but they are offered in thanksgiving for the most simple and basic needs known to man, the rendering of love and empathy. The anguish within my soul would have crushed me that day had it not been for the love and support with which my friends and family attended me - that dreadful day that we buried my beloved grandson, Mikey Joe.
For that, I remain everlastingly in their debt.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), the Managing Funeral Director (FDIC,) and owner of Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City, Texas. I am an author and syndicated columnist. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate survivors toward positive recovery.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.