Miracle of Forgiveness
Tracy Lee • May 26, 2020
A few years ago, I saw a movie about anger management. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as anger management. You must forsake anger to experience peace.
A bereavement advisor visited me this week from a local hospice organization. He has a client who is suffering from extreme anger associated with her deceased mother. Although I do not know what motivates her anger, I do know that anger, if left unresolved, may bring on mental and/or physical illness and in extreme circumstances - death.
GRIEF BRIEF 24
ANGER
Anger is common among the bereaved.
It is generally brought on through anxiety, panic, and frustration.
It is important to properly direct anger at the grim reaper rather than toward others.
Realizing that the absence of your loved one has caused your emotional issues will help you move beyond the anger and develop the necessary skills for recovery.
The most dangerous adaptation to intense anger is to turn on oneself.
Mourners who inflict their anger on themselves run the risk of developing self-loathing and in more severe cases, may fall prey to suicide.
If you are suffering extreme anger for an extended time and find that you are unable to control yourself emotionally or physically, consider seeking immediate assistance.
(Mourning Light 1, GB24, Tracy R Lee, 2016)
Unfortunately, at time of death if issues remain unresolved recovery may be elusive.
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FROZEN IMPERFECTION
While it is true that none of us is perfect, at the moment of death, imperfection is frozen.
Unfinished business remains unfinished.
Estrangement remains estranged.
Meanness remains mean, etc.
Death robs the living of the opportunity for resolution and blocks the comfort of peace.
(Mourning Light 1, GB35, Tracy R Lee, 2016)
In this case, the daughter who is experiencing extreme anger is facing an uphill battle within herself. Her mother is no longer accessible for her to work out their issues. She alone must accept and resolve her anger before it robs her of health, wealth, peace, and happiness. It is imperative that she seek counseling.
The power of extreme anger may cause one to inflict severe harm upon oneself. It may also cause extreme illnesses. It might bring on psychological damage that can spill over into other relationships. One’s wellbeing as a whole becomes jeopardized.
Although she may not realize it, this woman has sustained an injury to her soul.
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EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
Following the death of a loved one, there may be a significant need to reach out for emotional support.
This can be accomplished through a support group, an understanding cleric, a professional funeral practitioner, or a therapist.
How do you know if you need professional assistance?
If you find that you have unanswered questions or that you need a tool to help you cope with the loss, you might benefit from professional support.
When you break your limb, you go to a qualified care professional for proper wound care.
Why wouldn’t you go to a qualified care professional when your life has broken?
Qualified wound care is just as important for your soul as it is for your limb.
(Mourning Light 1, Tracy R Lee, 2016)
I have committed to assist the hospice bereavement advisor with his client. I hope to help her understand the magnitude and danger of her anger. Her mother is deceased and thereby unaffected by the daughter’s extreme anger. The daughter, however, is experiencing the pain and anguish associated with allowing her anger to continue. I hope I will be able to open her eyes to the miracle of forgiveness.
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MIRACLE OF FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is a gift graciously given to us through the examples and teachings of Jesus Christ.
Anger and pain held close to our hearts cause extreme stress and toxins to build up within our bodies, minds, and souls.
Extreme stress and toxins invite illness and death to overtake us.
Forgiveness toward those who have wronged us, or toward ourselves for the wrongs we have inflicted, releases us from the ravages of evil and internal conflict.
By accepting the gift of forgiveness, we flood ourselves with the power to overcome, heal, and recover from any wrong, thrown or perpetrated.
Please open your soul to the “Miracle of Forgiveness.”
(Mourning Light 3, GB206, Tracy R Lee, 2019)
When all is said and done, if this daughter does not forgive either her mother or herself, she will eventually face consequences that are grave in nature. As a child, my mother taught me, “Grave or Glorious, consequences happen.” As I have grown from a child to a grandmother, I have tried to apply my mother’s words of wisdom in my life’s choices. Fortunately, when I have made mistakes, and grave consequences have materialized, I have had my mother’s guiding light, leading me to invoke the Miracle of Forgiveness.
Please open your soul to the “Miracle of Forgiveness.” Only through such action will you see the return of inner peace and health to your heart, mind, body, and soul.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.