No Helmet - No Chance
Tracy Lee • March 26, 2020
When I was a young girl, my mother and father would ride motorcycles with several of their friends. They would take wonderful road trips and group vacations together. If my father had an errand to run, he would often ask me if I wanted to ride along on the back of his bike. I was always happy to go with my father. Sometimes we would take the scenic route and ride through the mountains and stop for sodas together. These are treasured memories from my childhood; moments spent with my father for which I am most grateful.
When dad and I would head out toward his bike, my mother would always call out to us, “Have a good time, wear your helmets and be sure to be careful.” My dad never rode his bike without a helmet. I remember when he installed an intercom system. We could talk back and forth as we rode together, and we often had very serious conversations about his expectations for my life. Eventually, his helmets were upgraded again, and we could hear the radio through them. We would ride the roads and sing along with our favorite tunes, but even though it was fun, I still preferred the talks over the music. I knew my dad loved me, and I knew he had great expectations for my life. There was never any doubt in my teenage mind of these facts.
Eventually, I moved away from home as most young adults do. I left the southern United States and moved out west. Southern California was my destination. I met and married my husband there and even talked him into riding my Vespa with me. Just as my parents had always insisted, helmets were always required. We would ride out of San Diego on back roads to Alpine CA and visit my parents as they had eventually moved out west too. I enjoyed riding with my husband and just like my father, I knew he loved me and had great expectations for my life.
I am now a mother and grandmother. I love my children and grandchildren very much, and I have great expectations for their lives. Now that I have made the death care business my life’s work, I do not encourage my children and grandchildren to ride motorcycles. I have seen too many young people lying across my embalming table after being hit while enjoying a ride on their motorcycles.
Today I met with a family. Their son too liked to ride motorcycles. Unfortunately, today is a very sad day for them. Their son was hit while riding his motorcycle and now lies on my embalming table awaiting his funeral services. As his mother and father met with me, tears streamed down their cheeks. I thought to myself, how very sad it is that their beloved son will not achieve the great expectations in life that his parent’s had for him. At first glance, his body appears unharmed. It even seems probable that he might have survived his accident had he been wearing his helmet.
In my profession, there are many activities I once enjoyed from which I now shutter. I am so grateful for the precious moments I spent as a young girl with my dad on his bike. I am thankful that we never suffered a life-altering accident. At this stage in my life, my eyes have seen too many broken and mangled bodies for me to deny that life is too precious and fleeting to take thrilling moments of unnecessary risk.
I pray for this grieving family, who has this evening, lost their precious son of great promise. If you ride motorcycles, please think twice when you’re running out the door. Remember that you should always wear your helmet and watch out for motorists who might not see you. My brother calls it “The Law of Gross Tonnage.” His philosophy is that the vehicle weighing the most is probably going to survive an accident with a better outcome than the lighter one, and particularly better than a motorcycle.
Be mindful of your safety and please be careful. Believe me when I tell you that the funeral directors in your town do not want to see you prematurely lying across their embalming tables. I assure you that they most certainly do not want to have to meet with your heartbroken parents and tell them that your casket must remain closed because your helmet is sitting in the garage, without a scratch on it, beside your motorcycle’s parking spot.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.