Purpose
Tracy Lee • May 20, 2020
Last night as I prepared to retire, I opened my electronic device to social media to check on last weeks events in the lives of my friends and family. A friend of mine, whose daughter had, many years ago, attended my daycare facility, posted a sweet comment referencing an article I had written. Her daughter is now a married woman. It amazes me how quickly children grow into adults and how quickly I grew into a senior.
Earlier, I had decided to attend a seminar about self-reliance. Thankfully, self-reliance is not one of my struggles, however, I am often asked to help others obtain this worthwhile quest, and therefore find it advantageous to continually seek new information toward its fulfillment. I asked my husband to accompany me and as we prepared to leave our home, we briefly discussed a beautiful Christmas present he had given me this past season that carried significant personal meaning.
Prior to Christmas, while my husband and I were shopping I spotted the present he gave me. My attention, however, was focused on an item sitting beside it that was perfect for my sister-in-law. My husband told me that when he went back to purchase my gift, the sales lady expressed relief and happiness. She said that when the item was set out for display, she had hoped he would see it and buy it, as she knew that it and I were perfectly suited. She was right, and her observation indicates an intimate knowledge of me personally and compliments me in a unique and endearing manner.
While listening at the seminar, the facilitator’s message encouraged my thoughts toward one’s purpose in life. It became clear to me that one’s direction or work should be correlated with one’s purpose, or as my friend had stated, “one’s calling in life.” How wonderful it must be to work in what you are driven to accomplish. One often hears, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” I have always felt that 98% of what I do in a day is out of responsibility, while the remaining 2% leaves me wondering if it will ever pay off.
I responded to my friend’s post that funeral service is as rewarding and fulfilling as daycare ever was. Her compliment, however, was aimed at writing. I continued that although I truly love funeral service, writing does not come to me easily. I lament over it every week.
Monday is my writing day, which for the last five years has translated into 260 sleepless Sunday nights. I toss and turn, and try to figure out what I will write in just a few hours. As I stress over it, I convince myself that tomorrow's article will be my last. On the morrow, the task of writing and rewriting, and praying that by close of day my article will be completed, begins. At the end of this ordeal, I will be convinced that next week’s article will be my last. The cycle never yields.
Although last night, Sunday, and this morning, Monday, have followed the same scenario, something is somehow different. The struggle remains; however, I finally comprehend my motivation. My friend’s compliment, the sales lady’s observations, and the information from the seminar came together and clarified my determination to continue in an activity with which I struggle. I do not write because it is easy or enjoyable for me, I write because it moves my life’s work forward.
I have realized that 98% of my life has been directional. I have precise goals that translate into responsibilities for which I am compelled to accomplish. The 2% of wonder was realizing that it was all related. That my purpose, or calling in life, is service and my soul rejoices through it.
I am asked daily for grief’s cure. My recommendations are always the same. My clients who report the quickest and most efficient recovery follow these orders implicitly.
Prayer
Open and practice a continual line of communication with God.
Become aware of, and give thanks for all that is good and wonderful in your life.
Supplicate on behalf of others for the blessings of which they stand in need.
Ask for the help that you need and the strength to help others.
Scripture Study
Explore, cross-reference, investigate, and ponder the Holy words.
Incorporate them and practice their principles in your life.
Service to others
Forget about your troubles and help the poor in spirit, the needy, the hungry, the downtrodden, the less fortunate, and anyone else who needs it without asking for recognition.
Find your life’s work (a.k.a. purpose) and put it into practice
Now that I am a Funeral Director rather than a daycare provider, very little about my work has changed. My clients, however, like me, are a little bit older than before. I understand now why I have always loved working and why in invest 98% of my time into it. When your work is your purpose, you love what you do. When you love what you do, you are never at work. Service is an amazing profession.
Although it remains difficult, the written word allows me to serve the bereaved who are beyond my immediate reach. To quote a distant cousin, “When you work with words, words are your work.” (Don Knotts, The Ghost, and Mr. Chicken)
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am the owner and Managing Funeral Director of Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City, Texas. I am an author, syndicated columnist, and Certified Grief Counselor. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.