Sing-A-Long
Tracy Lee • April 13, 2020
In my early twenties, I packed my bags and moved out to California leaving my friends and family behind in the corner of the world known as the Arklatex. It was quite a big scary world out there that met me square in the face, and I missed my family terribly. It was not too long before I was able to get my brother and sister, who were close in age to me, out to California so that I was no longer a lone young woman facing my future without familial support.
Years have passed, and now I find myself back home in the Arklatex. With my family and friends close by me, I once again feel at peace in the land of my birth. I have a sister who remains in California, but the rest of my siblings and parents now live back in Texas. My brother and his wife live here in the Arklatex but work in Dallas. Dallas is not so far from the Arklatex, and they come home once monthly to their quiet little cottage home, and leave the big D for the peaceful tranquility of the country for the weekend.
Last night my brother called me and asked if my husband and I would like to join a group of relatives who were planning to get together after dinner for a sing-along. My brother is an amazing musician, always has been, and we accepted the invitation. When we were younger and my brother joined me in California, he had his guitar in tow. On evenings when we would have friends over for pool parties or movies, he would break out his guitar, and we, along with our friends, would sing old songs that my brother and I had grown up singing with our mom and dad. My parents had always enjoyed singing and playing music with their children before we would go off to bed, or on the weekends to keep us entertained. That is how we entertained ourselves when black and white TV was our only source of distraction. That is how we built a strong familial bond of beautiful memories that we will never forget.
After dinner, last night, my husband and I got into our car and drove down to my dad’s house. My brother lives next door to him, so he brought over his guitar. My dad played his base; my husband played the mandolin, and with one other guitar in the mix, we had music. Oh yes, I forgot, on occasion, we had percussion played by hand on the backside of a notebook, as the room was too small for a set of drums. As my family played their instruments, we all joined singing lyrics and creating our own unique harmonies. It was a fun evening. We sang songs and beautiful hymns. A particular favorite of the evening was a song recently written by my brother.
In addition to being an amazing musician, my brother is an amazing songwriter. When we were young adults living in California, my brother would write songs about his journey through life. His songs were so beautiful and to this day, remain my favorites. We sang into the late hours, having fun and creating new memories to add to those of our youth and young adulthood. As the evening came to a close, my husband and I drove home.
As we were traveling the backcountry roads with a keen eye watching out for deer, I played a recording I had taken with my electronic device to upload in an email to my daughter who is away from home for the next eighteen months. As the recording panned the room, I listened to the instruments and lovely voices singing in beautiful harmonies, and I was taken back to my childhood memories. I was grateful for parents who took the time to develop special memories and encouraged the development of amazing talents within the lives of their children. My parents are beyond the age of retirement now, and as I reminisced back to my childhood, I was instantly grateful that when they are gone, I will have wonderful memories and familial bonds of fortified love and admiration from which to draw upon. My parents, although poor and tired, took the time to develop strength within their children that would sustain us during the trials of our lives, and after they are gone from us.
My children are away from home now. They have grown up into talented and confident young women. They live in the far-reaching corners of the world away from their dad and me, and we miss them very much. As I write my article this morning, I pray that I have fortified them as my parents did me. I hope that I have created strong familial bonds that will sustain them as they live their lives away from home in unfamiliar and frustrating situations. I hope I have prepared them, as my parents have prepared me, to be able to sustain life after I have left this earth.
The bonds of one's family are one's strength. They are the foundation of life upon which we build our success. If there are weaknesses within one’s family, one may experience defects of character and discrepancies within one’s life. Life is complicated enough without adding vulnerabilities in one’s foundation. The family is an eternal principle of truth, and the very structure of success and happiness. Were it not so, why would everything in life be patterned after it? It is incumbent upon parents to raise strong, talented, and moral children. If we do not, society will fail and we will see the destruction of our children’s happiness and success crumble. We must, as families, fortify ourselves, and as parents, strengthen our children so that when our times come, they can stand on their own and carry on our legacies throughout the future generations that follow.
Thankfully, my parents are still living. I know, however, that one day they will die. I dread that day with all of my being. When their times come, I know that I will be devastated. Thankfully, I will have my brother and my sisters, and all of our wonderful memories of growing up, from which to draw for strength. I will have my husband, my children, and my grandchildren to help me continue forward. When my grandmothers passed away, I relied heavily upon my memories, and my future, to see me through the devastation of loss. I trust it will be the same when my parents die.
Last night was a fun evening for my family and me. More importantly, it was an evening of communion between the generations that will sustain us during times of devastation and loss. It gave us new memories and strengthened those already planted within our hearts, so that as we travel the natural progression of life and death, we will be able to do so, strong in the knowledge that families are forever, life is eternal, and that we are loved beyond measure.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.