The Tanker
Tracy Lee • March 26, 2020
My aunt lost her life 3 years ago on the highway near my home. The department of transportation was ordered to improve the road conditions due to her accident. During the improvements, the traffic pattern has been switched from one side of the highway to the other numerous times. Each time this occurs, the road crews post flashing and caution signs to notify the drivers that special attention to their driving is necessary for their safety.
Last week the pattern changed again. The road crews posted signs of the impending change for days in advance. I began to be apprehensive over the change due to the amount of signage and the length of advanced notice. It seemed unusual to me and I thought to myself, “Wow, there must be a great potential for serious accidents for them to do all of this.” My apprehension was well warrented. The very first day of the traffic pattern change, there were three 18 wheeler accidents reported. No telling how many more auto accidents occured that didn’t make the news.
My clients this week suffered a tragic loss. The father had only recently begun a new job. He was very experienced in his profession and excellent at it as well. He was a tanker driver. His specialty was fuel transport, gasoline in particular. A distracted driver hit his tanker, and he lost his life on the highway, not far from my home.
His children are young adults with budding families of their own, but they loved their father deeply and will suffer from this tragic loss for the rest of their lives. At his services, his clergyman could scarcely make it through his message. The heartache of his parishioner's painful suffering tore his heart in two. I held back tears as his pastor paused to regain control of his emotions several times before ending the service. The decedent was a remarkable man, father, husband, and grandfather.
As I sat in my arrangement room with the family, a representative from his employer entered and joined us. He was the Director of Safety for Dupre Logistics, LLC. While the decedent’s wife and children made their selections, the Director of Safety encouraged them not to worry about the expenses. After all had been settled for the weeks events, the family left the funeral home. The Director of Safety remained behind to speak with me. He assured me that his company would cover the expense of the funeral arrangements even though this man had worked for them for less than 90 days.
The company's Director of Safety was true to his word. Dupre Logistics, LLC delivered a company check to my funeral home for the full cost of services the very next day. Although this is an astounding generosity from this company, the incredible kindness was that the Director of Safety came to the services with two gentlemen accompanying him - the owner and president of Dupre Logistics, LLC, Mr. Dupre, and another company executive. They had driven up from south Louisiana to be there for this widow and her children. When Dupre Logistics, LLC says, "When you join our team, you're family," they mean it. They put their money where their mouths were, but more importantly, they were there to support their employee's family during the most horrendous experience they could ever have suffered. If I were a transport specialist, Dupre Logistics, LLC would be the company of choice for me. They care for their people the way companies used to care back in the day. They have empathy, kindness, and benevolence. They are men of honor in their private lives and in their work. I am honored to have met them, and I am honored to have served such a noble family suffering such a horrendous loss.
As I escorted friends and guests out of the chapel, I turned back to check on the family as they took their final moments with their departed loved one. They gathered arm in arm, bowed their heads, and asked their Lord and Savior to receive their loved one into his abiding presence. With tears spilling down my cheeks, I witnessed the sad farewell suffered by the decedent’s heartbroken widow and her valiant children. Silently, I offered my own little prayer on their behalf and for all the people who would be driving on the highway not far from my home.
After the services, I took my children out to dinner. I asked them to redirect their driving patterns and avoid this highway until after the traffic patterns return to normal. Distracted drivers are carelessly deadly to those sharing the highway with them. My husband and I, and my children have redirected our own traffic patterns until the highway becomes safer for us to travel. Road crews place caution signs for your safety and the safety of others. Please do not ignore them. Observing them may save your life, it may also save the lives of others one day.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.