Traditions
Tracy Lee • April 13, 2020
When I was a little girl, my dad would play his guitar and my mom, my brother, my sisters, and I would sit around the living room and sing country and gospel songs to his accompaniment. As I grew into a teenager, I would sing along with the radio as I drove myself here and there, running errands for my dad’s company. As a young mother, I would sing songs with my daughters as they watched animated princess movies at home, and to princess soundtracks in our vehicle, as we drove around town and on cross-country road trips.
I am a grandmother now. I do not live near my grandchildren. I notice, however, that my girls sing along with their children as they watch animated shows at home and as they travel long distances. My father is now in his late 70’s. It just so happens that we again live near each other. We have recently begun getting together one Sunday evening each month to play and sing along to old country and gospel songs. My brother and I, along with our spouses bring our instruments, and as we sing our favorite songs, our harmonies ring out strong. My younger sister will be moving back to the south next month, and we look forward to her joining our little group of amateur musicians. My youngest sister resides in Austin TX, but when she comes home for visits, she will join us, and it will be as it was when we were children.
Traditions have a way of uniting families. That is their value to us. The traditions of our youth unite us and keep our families strong, as we grow older and apart. When I was a little girl, I did not realize my dad was creating a tradition that would bring his children back to his home once we all had families of our own. It would serve to reacquaint us after years of separation. It would give us something to do that was familiar and comforting.
My dad’s current home is less than a mile from where he raised his children. My brother lives next door to him. I live just across the state line. Soon my younger sister will live next door to my father as well. It will be a few years before my youngest sister may able to relocate back home if she chooses to do so, as she and her husband are not yet retired. My father’s grandchildren and great grandchildren live all across the United States of America. I doubt he will live to see the day that they all live nearby, but as he nears the twilight years of his life, my parents once again have their children near them. As we have begun to see the signs of age creep into their health, my siblings and I have chosen to move back home to care for the needs of our parents.
Witnessing the aging process of one’s parents can at times bring discomfort and sadness into one’s heart. Comforting traditions, however, balance that pain, and override the sadness with memories that give us strength to endure our current responsibilities. Comforting traditions will also make it possible to live through our parent’s deaths. Traditions help us know that our parents loved us and wanted to spend time with us. Once our parents are gone, we will be able to carry on with those same traditions and feel renewed comfort through familiar habits. Joy will come to us as we sing and harmonize to those old country and gospel songs that we sang in our youth and again as retired grandparents in the living room of my father’s home.
It will be awhile after our parents pass before we will be able to bear to sing those old familiar tunes, but they will be there, ready and waiting for us, just as they have waited through the decades of raising our families and retiring back to the area of our births. When we are ready to pick up our instruments and begin singing on Sunday nights, we will be able to share memories of love and joy from each tune with each other. As we travel and visit our children and grandchildren across the nation, we, in turn, will carry our father’s tradition of singing special songs with them. We will hope that this tradition will one day bring them comfort as it does for us, and that it will reunite them once we are gone from this earth.
Traditions have a way of uniting families. That is their value to us. The traditions of our youth unite us and keep our families strong, as we grow older and apart. They are the ties that bind and give us strength to overcome adversarial influences. They reunite us after long periods of separation, and they are the path to comfort when we suffer loss and heartache.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.