Today was a great day. My sister was adopted by our father. I have waited for this day for decades.

Last week, it seemed as though it would not happen. My father is ill in another state and unable to travel back to Texas. We notified the court as soon as we knew that our father would not be able to return for the court date. We asked the court if a limited power of attorney would suffice in our father's stead. The court would not answer the question. Instead, they told us to hire an attorney.

An attorney did not seem necessary as the adoption was not contested. I spoke with my sister and said the court did not say that a power of attorney would not work; however, they would not say it would either. In light of their refusal to commit to a definitive answer, we thought that a power of attorney would work. And, indeed, it did. My baby sister, the adorable little girl I grew up with, is now my sister legally.

My baby sister's birth mother passed away when she was a toddler. As her birth mother had been ill since my little sister's birth, my little sister has always lived with us. Her birth father and my father are brothers. My father was older than her father, and at the time of her mother's death, my father was married with a family in tow. It was natural that my father cared for his younger brother's daughter. Today, our family has been made whole. I wish our mother were still living so she could have witnessed the joy this day has brought us.

GRIEF BRIEF 98

LOSS OF A PARENT

The loss of a parent at any age is debilitating to their child's core strength.

The loss of parental security is devastating at two years old or at 32 years old.

A parental loss may result in the loss of your greatest champion, your provider, your friend, your confidant, your favorite person ever, your emotional strength, and your protector. These losses are overwhelming for children and adults alike.

The loss of a parent may present an opportunity for self-evaluation, self-improvement, and inner growth.

Sometimes it is helpful to rely on a trusted and valued friend to help you recover from such a devastating loss. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

After we left court this morning, I rode with my sister in her van up to Texarkana for breakfast.

On the way there, she told me that this had been a challenging month for her. I asked her how, and she told me that her cat, her favorite cat ever, had died at the beginning of the month. Not only that, but the cat died while resting in my baby sister's lap. Because the cat was having difficulties breathing, my sister put her finger in the cat's throat to sweep for any debris that may have been blocking her airway. When she did, the cat closed her mouth as death overtook her. As she closed her mouth, her canine punctured my sister's finger.

As the day came to an emotional close, my sister noticed that her punctured finger had begun to swell. Before too long, her finger was hurting and not looking so well. She went to the emergency room, and sure enough, she had Cat Scratch Fever. My sister was immediately rushed into a room where powerful antibiotics and treatments were administered. There she stayed for two days. She was released on the third day with additional antibiotics, and her finger is doing much better.

Emotionally, my sister is suffering extreme grief and does not understand why she cannot recover from the loss of her kitty. Because today was such a wonderful day for our family, I did not discuss her grief with her; however, I feel she suffers from complicated grief and probably needs extra support.

GRIEF BRIEF 97

Pet death

As with family and friends, the death of a pet may be equally painful.

The grief experience with human loss is predicated upon the depth of association.

The same holds true for our animal companions.

Animal companions may have taken the place of past loved ones.

They may even be the central emotional contact within our lives.

They may be our best friends, our confidants, or our only contact with another living soul for weeks on end.

If your animal companion is an integral part of your existence, expect to grieve their loss as you would any other dear friend or loved one.

You will most likely experience every phase of the grief cycle during recovery.

You may opt to bury your pet without ceremony.

You may choose to bury your pet with memorial or funeral services.

You may even choose to cremate your pet and have their cremains buried with you at your time of passing.

Whatever your final choices are for your pet's interment, realize that the passing of your animal companion may be just as debilitating as the loss of your human companions. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

When our mother could no longer reside in an assisted living facility in Texarkana, TX, my sister took her and our aunt home to Austin, TX. She took care of our mother and our aunt until January of this year, when they both died within a few weeks of each other.

In the latter stage of life, our mother suffered from dementia and, for safety reasons, was transferred to a nursing home. Although our mother was not in my sister's home at the time of her death, my sister continued to take care of her as much as possible until the day she died. My sister transported our aunt to north Texas for our mother's services the week of our mother's funeral. However, my aunt was too weak and did not survive the trip. As they arrived in town, they stopped by the emergency room, and the doctors thought it much more prudent to admit our aunt into their care. We buried our mother and our aunt within a week of each other.

It was a difficult time for all of us, but I thought it was particularly difficult for my sister. She had cared for our mother during the early stages of dementia, and there were times when our mother may not have been as kind as she would have been otherwise. These moments affected my sister, and I felt so badly about them. To add our aunt's death to all that was happening at that time was even more sorrow that my sister suffered.

The deaths of two women who played vital roles in your life and who both lived in your home during the final stages of life invite complicated grief. My sister, my other siblings, and their spouses all had COVID when our mother died, so her funeral services were delayed for three weeks. Life was a mess for everyone in our family in January of 2022.

Now, as 2022 winds down into 2023, my sister has suffered the loss of her beloved kitty. Having the kitty breathe its last breath in her lap brings everything to the surface. Although she tried to ignore it, my sister had moments of sorrowful memories mixed in with her adoption. It was sad that neither of our parents was there today, but at least all of our siblings were.

For me, today was bittersweet. I missed our mother so much while we were at the courthouse. I know she would have loved to have been there and that had she had her wits about her before she died, she would have adopted my sister before her death. Our mother was a Cajun woman from South Louisiana who loved her children fiercely. I have seen her on more than a few occasions go to fists over the protection of her children, not the least of which would be my youngest sister. She loved us all and never thought of my baby sister as anyone other than her child.

I hope our father recovers soon and returns to Texas in good health. My sister wants to celebrate this joyous and long-awaited occasion with him.

Grief is a wild and crazy beast. My sister has suffered incredible anguish in her life. Although the adoption is a joyous one, it has brought back painful and confusing memories for her. Stacking these painful memories with the loss of our mother and aunt earlier this year and now losing her beloved kitty has been a U-haul truck full of stress and agony for my sister. The death of her kitty was just the final straw in her grief struggles.

Grief Brief 269

Multiple Losses

If suffering multiple losses, a survivor must grieve each one separately.

Each decedent was loved separately; therefore, each must be grieved accordingly. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

I hope my sister's life slows down enough so she can grieve each of her losses in 2022.

She is a caring and loving person. She tries to make the world a better place and render love and service to those suffering around her. It is time for others to take care of her for a while. She needs time to heal.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the "Mikey Joe Children's Memorial" and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB's Integrity Award.



It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.