DEATH OF A PARENT
The death of a young parent is challenging for the surviving parent. Not only must they deal with their grief and recovery, but young children must also be tenderly nurtured through their grief experience.
At the loss of a parent, young children may not understand what has happened, and they may be unable to understand the long-term ramifications forced upon them. There may also be insensitive adults or children at school who intentionally say unkind things. (I hope if you have children with a schoolmate suffering loss, you will sit down with them, explain what has happened, and offer ways that they might support the surviving child.) Moreover, schoolmates may fear that association with the survivor may cause the tragedy of death to spill over onto them or their families. Superstitions surrounding death may also become a factor at school, and the survivor may be ostracized for no reason. Such consequences would only add to the tragedy suffered by the surviving child.
If you are the surviving parent, ask the school to invite a grief counselor to offer information and suggestions to the student body. Grief counselors can provide guidelines for assisting with another’s grief, pressing fears that may exist, and appropriate versus inappropriate behavior and conduct during a loss. Pre-empting the fears and confusions of schoolmates not only helps the survivor but offers comfort and psychological control to the schoolmate that they might be suffering. Assisting a grieving survivor is difficult enough for adults; imagine how out-of-water children feel.
GRIEF BRIEF 98
LOSS OF A PARENT
The loss of a parent at any age is debilitating to their child’s core strength.
The loss of parental security is devastating at two years old or at 32 years old.
A parental loss may result in the loss of your greatest champion, your provider, your friend, your confidant, your favorite person ever, your emotional strength, and your protector. These losses are overwhelming for children and adults alike.
The loss of a parent may present an opportunity for self-evaluation, self-improvement, and inner growth.
Sometimes it is helpful to rely on a trusted and valued friend to help you recover from such a devastating loss. (Mourning Lights, 2022)
Teachers should also have a grief counselor available to them. A teacher will play a vital role in protecting and assisting the child during recovery away from the protective and nurturing eye of the surviving parent. They will watch for sadness, lack of concentration, emotional breakdown, delinquent behaviors, and other vulnerabilities. Most likely, the teacher will lighten the workload for the survivor and anticipate a lull in the survivor’s usual level of performance. Teachers also understand that recovery may extend to temperament, organization, and concentration. All these areas will affect the student’s ability to keep up with their participation and grades.
Grief Brief 279
Loss of Parent
Children suffering parental bereavement tend to be more submissive and dependent, show a higher frequency of delinquent behavior, and perform less adequately in school.
Open communication about death before a crisis situation develops, is the primary way to help them cope with their bereavement. (Mourning Lights, 2022)
Loss can be disastrous for a child’s self-esteem, confidence, self-worth, and will to live. Teachers will focus on these possibilities to protect the well-being of the surviving child. Please consider ongoing dialog with your child’s teachers and faculty. If at any time you are concerned with your child’s safety at school, notify the administrator. Schools have access to programs designed to protect your child against other children or themselves during instability. The loss of a parent is undoubtedly a time of emotional, psychological, and environmental instability. Your child deserves all the assistance available to them.
GRIEF BRIEF 99
Rejection
A child who suffers the loss of their parent may suffer feelings of abandonment.
In some instances, true abandonment is experienced.
These feelings and realities are horrendous to suffer.
If you know a child who has lost a parent and you are able to step forward, realize that you will never replace that parent in the child’s mind.
Agree with yourself that the help and assistance you render is reward enough.
The child may even express resentment toward the kind soul rendering their emotional assistance and physical support.
These are natural emotions and you should not accept them as a reflection upon your efforts.
Realize that the child’s emotions are a rejection of their parent’s death, rather than of you and your efforts.
In my opinion, every young child suffering the loss of one or both parents should have supervised professional counseling.
Parental loss is devastating, spiritually damaging, and should be taken seriously. (Mourning Lights, 2022)
The bottom line is that children need extra consideration when a parent dies. Due to their tender age, that consideration may be a lifelong need, especially if the loss is tragic or foul play was involved. Please take the time to recognize and educate yourself to the needs of children suffering loss. There is no excuse for a child’s community to abandon or not realize his/her particular needs during such a sorrowful time.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
