CANCER STRIKES

My husband and I love our Sunday afternoons mainly because we nap together. It is the only day of the week when we have the time, and solitude, to relax and nap. It doesn’t happen every week, but now that we are older and life has slowed down, Sunday afternoon naps together are a glorious thing to look forward to.

Our Sundays are the only day of the week with a predictable schedule. Because our Saturdays usually consist of multiple services, we rise Sunday morning with just enough time to shower and quickly head off to church. After church, we stop on our way home and buy freshly baked bread and a box of hot chicken tenders. When we arrive at our house, we change clothes, slap some condiments on our bread, and enjoy chicken tender sandwiches.

Before we were in the funeral profession, we would enjoy a crockpot of slowly cooked seasoned chicken with vegetables over rice after church. Then we would jump into our huge California King bed with down comforters and turn “Little House on the Prairie” on the television. To top it off, my husband and I would drift off to sleep snuggled up with our sweet little girls curled up in our arms. Ah, those were the days of gentle children and glorious slumber.

Yesterday, as we rushed home after church, we stopped to buy our chicken tenders at the local market. The clerk that works the deli came out to say hello. She is such a sweet woman, and seeing her bright smile each week sets a happy note in my heart until I see her again the following Sunday. I asked her how her Thanksgiving went, and she said it was good but that she had suffered some bad news. Over the holiday weekend, her mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer.

Wow, what a blow. How do you even respond to such news? I can’t imagine the stress and anguish her family must have experienced during the time of year when we celebrate our blessings. Such inopportune timing heightens the impact of dreadful news.

I spoke with her for a few moments and asked her to let me know if I could help in any way. I suggested a hospice with great nurses who treat their client families kindly and take great care of their patients. I offered to bring her some materials that address some of the future experiences and decisions that her family will face. More importantly, I offered my concern and love. When death happens, it isn’t what you did that matters so much to the survivor but that you cared. Offering support and love are the most vital and appreciated gifts you can give to those who are losing a loved one. Your support and love are just about the only thing they will remember.

When human beings suffer overwhelming stress, their minds are clouded with extreme grief. This level of distress creates a wave of stress hormones that interfere with daily brain functionality. Most likely, the family members won’t even remember if they have taken their medicines or what they ate for breakfast. It is impossible for them to remember who brought a dish of food or did their laundry. What they will remember is that someone did some service to show their love, and for that, they will be grateful. Do not be offended if they cannot remember that you rendered the service. The important thing is that they know that someone cares and loves them enough to take care of the things they cannot take care of. They will feel love, and that is precisely what they need.

When I was a little girl, my mother would say, “Remember, it is better to give than to receive.” In this case, you are giving love, and it is not essential that you receive appreciation or accolades for it. Your friend’s survival, physically and psychologically, is more important than your ego. As a child, I wasn’t always sure that my mother’s statement was accurate at Christmas time. Now that I am an adult, and in particular a funeral professional, I understand that those words hold great insight into the eternal purpose of the human race. For it is what we give that we receive. As a child, I may not have fully understood the immense value of giving service and love to others. Still, I was infinitely blessed to have great women who exemplified the words and admonitions of our Savior in my life.

As we enter another beautiful Christmas Season, I pray that you will recall the words of my mother; “Remember, it is better to give than to receive.” At a time in the world’s history when so many are downtrodden, and without hope, please reach out to those you know and those you see who need the services of another human being. Offer them a word of comfort, cheer, or recognition that they exist and that as a child of God, all humans matter. Forgive trespasses against you and rejoice in Christ’s redemptive blessings. Rejoice, for rather than governments, the Lord is King.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

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John was Love

By Tracy Lee • September 28, 2020

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.

girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer

Mikey Joe XIX - Sympathy Gift

By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020

I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.