I call my husband “Sweet pea.” I don’t know why, it’s just my sweet name for him. I love him so much and when we married, I felt as though I needed a name for him that only he and I shared. Something that set him apart from anyone else that I had ever known, or would ever know, because he was unlike anyone else in the world to me.

My daughter calls her husband “Honey Bee.” I think that is an adorably sweet name for him. Like me, she has a name for her husband that only she and he share. It is something unique to them, something that sets him apart from anyone else in the entire world, apart as her partner, the love of her life, her soulmate, and most importantly, her husband.

When I was a child, my daddy called my mother “Cheese.” I never thought to ask why, it was just his sweet name for her. When my daughter was a little girl, she asked me why her “Pa Pa” (my dad) called her “That Momma” (my mother) “Cheese.” I told her that I did not know exactly, but that he had always called her that and that he always would. For my daughter, that answer was not sufficient. So, inquisitive as she was, she asked my mother, why my father called her “Cheese.”

My mother’s answer was absolutely darling. My father called my mother “Cheese” because he loved her smile. And when they were dating, he would look at her and say, “Say cheese,” just to see her beauty, and experience the perfect joy that it would bring into his heart. I believe that about my dad because he loved my mother more deeply than any man had ever loved a woman, and she loved him right back.

Unfortunately, when my daughter asked my mother why my father called her “Cheese,” my mother was living with our family because my parent’s marriage had ended in shambles. My mother’s entire identity was based on her princess marriage to my father. To this day, over 30 years later, friends and relatives still express their utter disbelief that my parents’ marriage ended. They recount the perfect fairy tale marriage of the legendary beauty being swept off of her feet by the reigning Mr. Handsome, to live happily ever after, together in perfect harmony. My parent’s life together was a love story to envy, they enjoyed legendary beauty, pure love, and perfect happiness; until they didn’t.

When we discovered that my father had a secret life, one that did not include us, my mother was psychologically devastated. She was so deeply committed to him that she had trusted him implicitly; we all had. The shock was too much for my mother. She grieved the loss of her marriage as though it was the loss of her life, and truly, it was.

About 18 months ago, a friend contacted me. When we were children, our families did everything together. My parents and his parents were best friends. Back in the late 1960s, our parents met at church. They had a group of friends, all married couples, who enjoyed riding motorcycles. They would go on little trips together as a group of married couples. They would travel out of town for dinner, plan games like scavenger hunts out in the Arizona desert, and go on camping trips up in the mountains or down in Mexico. They did all sorts of fun couples activities.

When my family left Arizona, my parents remained friends with this particular couple. Our families would vacation together, and our friends would stay with us for the entire summer. (They were school teachers and had summers off.) The dad, of this family, and his sons would work with my dad and my brother building houses for summer income. Our families really loved each other and still do.

When my friend contacted me, 18 months ago, it was to offer me a DVD, filled with film clips of our summers together. He sent me the DVD and I watched it. It was difficult to watch because I saw my parents as they once were, and as I thought they would always be; blissfully happy, beautiful, and together. Seeing my parents the way they had been, broke my heart, and so I put the DVD away. I did not share the DVD with my siblings, my mother, or my dad because I thought to spare them the sorrow that it had brought into my heart to see our time as a precious family, enjoying the love that now eluded us. I especially wanted to spare my mother the anguish that seeing her beloved, loving and caring for her, would bring.



My mother died this past week. My daughter and her sweet little family traveled down to Texas to see her, before we bury her, three days hence. While she was in my office talking with me as I worked, she saw the DVD on my desk and asked me about it. I explained the contents to her and she asked if she could watch it. She said that she had never seen her grandparents together, and I was amazed, and saddened, that her statement was true.  I handed her the DVD and asked her to go into another room to watch it, as seeing it brings old injuries forward in my soul. 

She took the DVD to one of my other offices and watched it. When she returned it to me, her eyes were wet with tears. She cried for the remainder of that day.

The next day, my daughter came to me and told me that she had been unable to sleep all night. I asked her why. She said that until yesterday, when she saw the DVD, she had never understood why my dad thought my mother’s smile was so amazing. She said that she had never seen my mother smile with joy and love. She began to cry and said that she had never known that my mother had once been happy and loved; that she had never understood how devastating the ending of my parent’s marriage had been; and that she was horrified that my mother had spent the last half of her life grieving for my dad when he lived just down the street. And through absolute empathy for her deceased grandmother, her tears overwhelmed her. 

She explained that when my mother had told her that my father called her “Cheese” because of her beautiful smile, she had never understood that my mother’s smile was an open window into her soul, expressing absolute joy and unconditional love for my dad. She didn’t know it until she saw the two of them together on DVD, experiencing life together in perfect union and glorious happiness. My parent’s granddaughter, in her 30+ years of life, had never seen her grandparents together. In all of that time, she had never seen my mother without a heart of grief, and she had never seen my mother smile with pure joy. Watching the DVD broke her heart as it had mine 18 months ago because she saw into the window of her grandmother’s broken soul. She finally saw and understood the grief that my mother suffered.

That is the way I remember my parents. They were the perfectly married couple that everyone dreams of being. It is impossible to imagine such happiness unless you had met my parents, back then, in the ’50s and ’60s. Bliss and joy were theirs, but somehow they lost it. My dad let go of the most precious thing on earth; the total unconditional love of the most beautiful and loyal woman ever. My mother, however, held her love and loyalty for him, deep within her soul, until the day she died.

In three days we will lay my mother to rest. She will be buried next to my grandmother, her mother-in-law. That was her wish. It was also the wish of my grandmother. My grandmother solicited a promise from my mother not to divorce my father until after her (my grandmother's) death. She, like my mother, could not bear the anguish of realizing the truth, the truth that my father had deceived and abandoned my mother. My grandmother, until the day she died, held hope that if my parents remained married, my father would one day return to my mother. 

My mother and my grandmother loved each other so much that when my grandmother neared the end of her life, she insisted on leaving her Louisiana home to reunite with my mother in California.  When my grandmother passed away, it was under the tender care of my mother’s unwavering love and loyalty to her.

Except for those few years with my father, my mother’s life was difficult and filled with pain and sorrow. Through all of the trials of deception, abandonment, and anguish; my mother remained ever faithful to her values and beliefs. She never stopped loving my dad, and she never stopped serving her Lord.

My mother's funeral will be this week and in my soul, I know, that she has finally received relief from her sufferings. Her body is no longer riddled with pain, her mind is no longer clouded with confusion, and although I’m sure her heart remains forever scarred from her living trials, I feel certain that it is now filled with love and joy. 

At long last, my mother is finally surrounded by those who have loved her since time began. She endured to the end, all of the trials set before her, and she has re-entered the presence of her Lord, Jesus Christ.

My mother was a woman of honor whose life ran into ruin without her consent. Unwavering in her commitment and undeniable love for my father, my mother grieved in writhing anguish until the day that she died.

God speed mom. I'm sorry I was unable to help you recover, but I love you and I always will.