COVID 19 - Isolation
Tracy Renee Lee • May 26, 2020
As the COVID-19 pandemic ravages the globe, I have shied away from writing about it. I am so tired of hearing about it, reading about it, living through it, etc.
My inbox is filled with articles addressing PPE and hunkering down in order to avoid contamination. Lately, I have seen a surge in articles and talking points on the mental health effects related to this pandemic. In particular, sheltering in place has become a major concern for many working in the medical field. Sheltering in place is just another name for isolation.
Isolation is not a social being’s friend, in fact, it can prove deadly. It is for this reason that we see ourselves battling the negative mental health consequences of this practice.
In research, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, finds that a lack of social connection heightens health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having alcohol use disorder. Additionally, she states that loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity. (Perspectives on Psychological Science, Vol. 10, No. 2, 2015) Dr. Nicole Valtorta, Ph.D. Health Sciences, University of York, has linked loneliness to an increase in the risk of stroke and the development of coronary heart disease by 30%. Florida State University, College of Medicine, links loneliness to a 40% increase in the development of dementia. Wow, those are frightening statistics.
Loneliness can lead to long-term “Fight or Flight” stress.
This stress causes the immune system to function improperly. It increases inflammation and decreases the antiviral responses. In short, loneliness increases one’s risk of virus infection and severe physical, emotional, and cognitive illnesses. That my friends, in this pandemic, is a great cause for concern.
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotion that is experienced when one is dissatisfied with their relationships or is isolated from rewarding emotional interaction. It can be felt even when surrounded by others due to low self-esteem. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional, and environmental factors.
Reports show that 40% of adults feel that their relationships are not meaningful and that they feel isolated. More than 25% of adults live alone, 50+% of adults remain unmarried, and the number of children per household continues to decline.
Rates of volunteerism have declined and a decrease in religious affiliation suggests institutional connections that provide community connections are slipping away. These important connections provide crucial human fundamental well-being and social stimulation.
There are two categories of loneliness. The first is reactive loneliness. Reactive loneliness is experienced upon loss, such as the death of a loved one, or divorce.
The second category is chronic loneliness.
Chronic loneliness is experienced when one does not have the emotional, mental, or financial resources to satisfy their social needs, or they lack the proper social circle of family, marriage partner, and children who provide these benefits. Although friends, significant others, and acquaintances provide a degree of social connection, they do not provide kinship.
Friendships, significant others, and acquaintances are potentially temporary social connections and are subject to disconnect. This temporary posture, or the ability to disconnect, found in connections outside of the family structure, can at times greatly impact feelings of loneliness and isolation. For this reason, they are left out of the social list. This does not mean that they are unimportant; they are deeply important. Kinship, however, relates one individual to another beyond situational acquaintanceship.
Although 28% of adults report being dissatisfied with their family life, unlike friendship, kinship provides permanent bindings of emotional togetherness, loyalty, and support. The related effects of kinship are positive and remain active even during familial discontent and necessary physical separation.
Loneliness can occur even when people are surrounded by others. Human beings must connect emotionally to each other to stave off the adversities of loneliness. Loneliness derived by social isolation doubles the risk of early death among the African-American population. Among American whites, this risk increases to 84%. (American Journal of Epidemiology, Vol.188, 2019)
HOW TO FIGHT LONELINESS
One must identify and address the underlying cause of loneliness to nullify its negative impact.
The University of Chicago suggests that interventions focused inwardly, addressing the negative thoughts underlying loneliness, have a greater effect rather than interventions that focus on improving social skills, social support, or increased opportunities for social interaction.
At one time, society saw the effects of loneliness in the senior population more so than any other. The primary reason for this was the death of one’s spouse. Today, however, we see that loneliness is farther reaching. At present, loneliness negatively impacts the younger age groups in epidemic proportions.
The primary reasons for epidemic loneliness are the losses of human connection and relative kinship. These losses of basic human identity severely impact one’s ability to understand and reach one’s purpose (or direction) in life and a sense of belonging, and bring on the ill effects of isolation and loneliness. Isolation and loneliness are largely generated through electronic friendships and the materialization of pseudo kinship. They are compounded by the currently imposed distancing mandates aimed at keeping us virus-free.
One to one human relationships have been disrupted and restructured through the separation of families, as well as many other contributors including electronic socialization. Electronic socialization allows the absence of personal connection, accountability, and encourages deceit in many aspects of one’s profile and conversations. It does not evoke loyalty, nor love, from one human being toward another. Unfortunately, electronic socialization can contribute to and encourage narcissistic personalities. It can provide a venue for predatory manipulation.
Electronic socialization is realized through social media. Its by-product is chronic electronic isolation.
In today’s pandemic reality of COVID-19, physical social distancing coupled with the realized pandemic effects of electronic isolation have put mental health and medical physicians on high alert. This lack of realized human contact, compounds and proliferates the ill effects of isolation and loneliness. It brings them the forefront as an immediate concern in the future realization of physiological and psychological disease and higher mortality rates.
Please understand me when I say that I think that social media is a wonderful advent when used appropriately. Under the current distancing orders, it can potentially assist us in holding onto our emotional and mental health. It can provide a venue for communication that would otherwise not exist. It gives grandparents the opportunity to communicate with grandchildren (most important in my life.) It allows friends to stay connected and allows many of us to work from home. If used positively, social media can be therapeutic in the fight against social isolation.
Communication, however, is not the sole fix-all for loneliness and isolation. Evil, manipulative conversations and deceitful relationships developed over electronic communication can potentially drive individuals over the edge. And, just like the housing bubble, those who have tens of thousands of friends must at some point realize that those people are not true friends, they are just followers. At some point, those who do not understand the truth of that will see their perceived popularity bubble pop. At that point, they will suffer enormous isolation and loneliness through the loss of their self-esteem.
My recommendation to the world is to make social media work for you rather than against you. I received a correspondence this very week from a dear reader on the West Coast, addressing this exact subject. She states that she is a people person and that staying inside is a challenge for her. “Thank God for the internet and social media, it has saved my sanity!” Obviously, she has the confidence and understanding to utilize social media in a positive fashion.
It is a fact, that in order to protect ourselves, and those whom we love from a pandemic viral infection, we cannot gather together. When I was a young girl, my momma would tell me, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” It’s time to get tough, folks. We must utilize every tool we have to fight the ravaging effects of loneliness, so where do we start?
Begin by swearing off of typing rants and thoughtless comments on your social media account. Remember, quality over quantity is what counts. Rather than engaging with someone who you really don’t know and who really doesn’t care about you, pick up your device and call someone who cares.
Call your true friends and family members and have a voice to voice conversation. Better still, facetime them. Let your loved ones hear your voice, see your face, and LOL with you rather than read it on an LED screen.
Express your love and concern for each other. Tell your friends and family that you miss them. Let them know that as soon as this distancing order is lifted you intend to see them eye to eye; that you intend to reach out and physically touch them in an expression of familial love and human connection. We’ve got to get through this and we can do it with each other’s help and support. It’s the only way folks.
Life is full of sorrow and loneliness. It is also full of love, joy, family, and friends.
Jump off of typewritten communications where friendship and caring can so easily be impersonated. Take a bold leap and join the one to one, eye to eye, voice to voice, and face to face exhilaration of interaction with those you love and who love you on a video application. Do whatever you must to reopen, repair, and rediscover the gift of genuine human to human friendship, familial connections, and uplifting outreach. We’re in this together folks, let’s make the best of it.
Social media has its pros and cons, but video chats are a gift from heaven for this grandmother so far away from her dear grandchildren. During this time of sheltering at home, let’s be kind to each other, use what we can to promote healthy communication, and enjoy the abundance of time on our hands to reconnect with those who may benefit from a phone or video call. In the end, doing so will benefit the world by stamping out loneliness and isolation.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief.
I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.