COVID 19 - Recovery Phase One - Mikey Joe XXII
Tracy Renee Lee • May 26, 2020
During the COVID-19 pandemic, I have my daughter and grandchildren staying with me. My daughter’s family lives in Hawaii. Her husband serves in our nation's military. He received orders for transfer back to the mainland and the moving company (engaged through the military) came over on Thursday morning, March 12, 2020, to pack up their household goods. The company was very thorough and took everything my daughter owns. Her family’s clothing (including my son-in-law’s military uniforms), kitchen pots and pans, grooming and hygiene supplies, towels, furniture (including beds), linens, pantry contents, etc. were all neatly packed into a moving van and disappeared down the street. My daughter and her family were scheduled to leave the island about a week later. The children were excited because, for five days, they would be camping in their home and ordering pizza while they awaited airline flights to the mainland.
The following day, Friday, the military announced a travel ban on military travel. My daughter’s family was now stranded in their empty home indefinitely. She had no clothing for her family, no food, no way to prepare food, no toys, no television, no beds, no chairs or couches, no towels or soap for bathing; no anything. Worse yet, the store shelves in Hawaii were empty. She texted me pictures of the commissary and Costco, nothing there but bare shelves.
My son-in-law sprang into action and got her and their two children on a civilian flight leaving Monday, March 16, 2020. They arrived in Dallas early Tuesday morning a little tired and frazzled. Unfortunately, my son-in-law was required to remain behind for his work.
Once we arrived at our home in East Texas with the children, we were concerned that with the limited options for entertainment, they might become very bored and melancholy. My daughter had the perfect solution; service to others.
Our funeral home sits on five acres of pecan trees. Pecan trees are self-pruning and so my grandchildren have spent their time gathering fallen branches and pulling weeds. My daughter lost her youngest son two years ago and he is buried on our funeral home campus. My grandchildren (his five-year-old brother and three-year-old sister) have spent many hours caring for his grave during their time here. They have served others as well by visiting via video chat. This service has offered connections for the confined to the joys and musings of children.
Service is a wonderful thing for idleness. It teaches lessons of love and gratitude. My grandchildren have given many hours of service to me, and to their brother, buried here beside my funeral home. I believe it is a summer they will never forget. I have enjoyed having them here and they have not been bored for one moment. Being with my grandchildren has blessed my life beyond measure. Having them here allows me to work without worrying over their wellbeing.
We have received news that their father’s orders have been postponed until a later date. It looks as though my grandchildren will remain with me through not only the spring but the summer as well. Sadly, my daughter has developed potentially severe health issues.
I know it is hard on her husband to be so far away during such scary and uncertain times, but as Franklin D Roosevelt once said, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
Military families are familiar with long separations, extremely confined quarters, and dangers lurking around the corner. It doesn’t mean, however, that they like it. Now that American’s at large are experiencing some of the same day-to-day issues that military families routinely face, I wonder if the citizenry might better appreciate their plight.
I am married to a retired military war veteran. My daughter lived through the first Gulf War with her father in harm’s way. Now she suffers military imposed separation from her husband and worries that her family might suffer devastating health consequences. Life throws us difficult curves.
Times are hard. The isolation and loss of income for most American’s have caused serious effects on their health both physically and mentally. It has brought on the signs and symptoms of grief.
Grief’s pains are the same whether you have lost a job, a loved one, your security, or your freedom. The difference is the depth of pain associated with your loss and your ability to cope.
Coping with the loss of freedom, socialization, and income that America is presently suffering, as well as the loss of loved ones for some, is very significant. American’s need to draw upon past disappointments and losses in order to structure their recovery. Some of us will bounce back with little effort, but some will not.
As fellow Americans, it is incumbent upon us to assist those who suffer more than ourselves and who lag behind in their recovery. How do we do this? I suggest that you take a tip from my daughter and my grandchildren, and offer service to others. If we each reach out and help another, we will see that not only are those we assist improved but we ourselves will be too.
Having my daughter and grandchildren with me during this uncertain time has been a marvelous blessing to me. Their examples of service and gratitude have been a wonder to behold. My grandmother survived the Great Depression. My daughter’s strategies for survival mirror my grandmother’s very closely. Isn’t it amazing how generations of families observe the same traditions and strategies decades later?
I am grateful for my children and my grandchildren. I am also grateful for my ancestors and the sacrifices they made for the liberation and formation of our great nation, for the hardships they endured through the ensuing generations, and for their tenacity to fight their battles and see their trials through. I pray that our generation will have that same tenacity as we enter the recovery phase of the Great COVID-19 Pandemic and the grief that engulfs us. They did it, so can we. We have so many more advantages than they did, so many more comforts. All we need to do is decide that we can't be licked and then kick ourselves in gear. American's are traditionally strong and good. I believe we remain so.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.