It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Tracy Lee • May 15, 2020
“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” what a great song.
As a child, I grew up looking forward to Christmas year after year. The snow, the goodies, the family gatherings, the shopping, the caroling, the parties with dear friends and new friends, and the gifts truly made this time of year the most wonderful of all. As an adult, I continue to look forward to these same events with great anticipation and experience them with unparalleled delight. Over the years, however, I have experienced small changes regarding the meaning of Christmas; mainly in my conscious perception of the world around me.
I see Santa bouncing babies on his knee as photos are snapped, parents and grandparents busily shopping for just the right gifts, and volunteers jingling bells for monetary donations. My husband and I, as we do every year, prepare ourselves for service at the nearby Bishop’s storehouse. As we help families fill orders of donated food for their Christmas dinners, the world seems blanketed in the happiest season of all.
This past week, however, has brought a new perspective into my purview. As the holiday season has approached, I have received two US Veterans who have committed suicide into my care. Neither veteran had living or caring family members about them. In this world, they felt alone. It was a pain too deep to bear as the holidays approached.
I have thought about that quite a bit this past week. For my entire life, I have volunteered during the holidays in one benevolent project or another. I have donated gifts for needy children, I have filled food orders, I have served hot meals, I have caroled at rest homes, I have sewn blankets and bandages for lepers, put programs together for military families, and the list goes on. If there has been a request for assistance during the holidays, I have probably stepped up to help. That is just it though; I have only helped. It has occurred to me that after the holidays, the problems and issues that I have assisted with, still exist.
I was complaining to my daughter the other day that Christmas was a little bit sad for me this year as I will not see any of my children or grandchildren. She suggested that my husband and I adopt a family for the season. I have been deep in thought about that. How can you adopt someone for a season? Adoption indicates permanence. Additionally, do I want to personally take on someone else’s problems? Adopting them indicates that I am taking responsibility for them. I would not be able to place a band-aid on their Christmas needs and then walk away as though all were well, would I?
At church, I teach the women’s group every 2nd Sunday. My lesson topic next week is the “Vast Reach of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” That word “vast” has a very specific meaning. It does not indicate small or limited; rather, it is indicative of immense and far-reaching. As I review the vast reach of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I am so thankful for the possibilities it gives me to reset my life. It offers me opportunities, based upon my ever-growing understanding of my responsibilities as a daughter of God and follower of Christ, to adjust my course and improve upon my actions and attitudes. It allows me to become a better person as I realize that simply serving strangers in need during a focused period of the year, is not sufficient.
The suicide of two US Veterans in my small community as the holidays approach is not acceptable to me, nor should it be to anyone else. I have seen a quote, “Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American GI.” While it may seem inappropriate to compare the mission of the American GI to that of our Lord and Savior, I offer this juxtaposition. Jesus Christ’s mission was to enlighten and offer immortality and eternal life to the children of God, His and our Eternal Father. The American GI’s mission is to secure our opportunity to participate in, or reject, that mission. Both have offered their lives toward these ends.
Christ was an example for the world. His mission to enlighten and save souls remains unparalleled by any other. He would not have merely served soup at the kitchen during the holiday season, donated toys at Christmas to needy families, or sung carols to the elderly and forlorn; He would have painstakingly sought solutions to wipe out the cause of such poverty and suffering. He did not worry about taking on the problems and issues of those who were deserving; He championed their causes and directed the world toward peace and goodwill. Peace and goodwill are not seasonal expressions; they are eternal principals. If we are to follow the directives of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, should we not incorporate His teachings into our hearts and actions every day of the year?
As a funeral director, I see the pain within the hearts of those who suffer. Moreover, although they are dead, I see the pain within the hearts of the two US Veterans lying in my embalming room. This sort of hopelessness is not acceptable under the mission of Jesus Christ. No one should ever feel so desolate that they would kill themselves. It is not enough to wish others well as we put money into their deserving pockets, pass them on the sidewalks, or at church; we must engage in Christ’s mission. We must take it upon ourselves to adopt His teachings and apply them to ourselves year round.
That sweet Babe lying in a manger had so much to teach within His short lifespan, and His wee baby shoulders carried the weight of the world upon them. I am grateful for His mission. I am thankful for the opportunities He created for me to reset my life. I am humbled by His wisdom and His incomparable suffering on my behalf. I have grown from His examples and have realized that I must take it upon myself, to adopt the sufferings of my neighbors and strangers and lift their burdens. That is what the Savior taught during His short life. That is what I must do during mine.
Please join me and adopt the Savior’s admonitions to lift our fellow being’s burdens as our core endeavor. Together we can eradicate the desolation thrust upon so many of our American GI’s, thwart the threat of suicide, erase poverty and hopelessness, lift up and protect the sick, the poor, the afflicted, and the innocent; and establish “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” not as a mere seasonal band-aid; but, as a year-round way of life.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am the owner and Managing Funeral Director of Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City, Texas. I am an author, syndicated columnist, and Certified Grief Counselor. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and grief briefs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.