Mikey Joe XXI - Grief Busters
Tracy Renee Lee • May 26, 2020
Upon the loss of a significant loved one, grief is the natural pain that fills our souls with sadness and renders us significantly less efficient in every aspect of life. With this in mind, it is paramount to understand that you possess the power to overcome grief. Indeed, you owe it to yourself, as well as those who love you, to do so. If you do not overcome your grief, you will be riddled with debilitating illnesses and devastating unhappiness. In fact, not overcoming your grief may prematurely end your life.
There are simple things that you can do to overcome grief. Today, however, I want to share three secrets that I call “The Three Grief Busters.” “The Three Grief Busters” will naturally propel you closer to recovery, substantially cut through your inefficiencies and debilitations, and release you to feel and experience love and happiness again. I have made many observations through my work as a Certified Grief Counselor, and time and time again, patients who have utilized “The Three Grief Busters” have by far, been the most successful in obtaining the relief they seek.
GRIEF BUSTER I
The first key to recovery is to DECIDE TO RECOVER. (Mourning Light III, 2019) A decision is a commitment. In this case, your commitment is to yourself. Be brave, accept personal accountability, and refuse to waiver.
Have you ever met an Olympic Gold medalist? Even if you haven’t, you know that Olympic Gold Medalists are driven. They refuse to give up. They force themselves beyond the pain of their goals. You can do this too. Use your pain to motivate you to overcome it. Push yourself beyond it. Although others can make your journey easier, you alone must accept this challenge and accomplish your recovery goal.
GRIEF BUSTER II
For many, Grief Buster II is the toughest to implement. Grief wedges unparalleled pain into the depths of your soul and sometimes you feel overwhelmed; as though you are drowning while still breathing. Grief Buster II is PRAYER.
Praying to overcome what feels insurmountable may seem counterintuitive, however, that is the precise purpose of prayer – to give us the power to overcome what is humanly impossible. Perhaps you are unable to comprehend how praying could render any assistance in wiping out the worst experience of your life. After all, praying will not bring your loved one back.
Although you may hate feeling such deep sorrow, you may not be sure that you will ever be capable of feeling, or even want to feel, anything else. You may wonder if feeling happy again might be disrespectful, evil, or even possible.
Perhaps you feel as though you are now a different person and that you can never go back to who you were before, or to the life you had before. Your faith may also be faltering. You may not feel the presence, nor desire the presence, of God in your life at this time.
All of these insecurities are natural consequences of suffering grief. Grief wounds us so deeply that everything we know, or think we know, is called into question; including ourselves, our purpose, our path, and our faith.
Upon the death of my sweet grandson, Mikey Joe, I suffered these exact symptoms. I suffered debilitating pain and total confusion. I was vulnerable and easily crushed by those who probably had no idea that their words or actions caused me obliterating pain, crushing insecurities, bewildering confusion, and confining isolation. However, as I had seen the miracle of prayer work for so many of my clients, I was determined to apply it. I needed to bring myself back to a place where I could function for my children and grandchildren. I had responsibilities to the bank, my clients, my friends, my employees, and my community. Additionally, I had a responsibility to myself, and to God, to accomplish the goals upon which I had embarked, and upon which so many others relied. I was determined to utilize prayer because I had witnessed its miracle change the lives of so many, and I really wanted that for myself. And, ya know what, against all odds, God’s miracle worked for me.
GREIF BUSTER III
The third Grief Buster is within everyone’s grasp. The third Grief Buster is to call upon and utilize our MEMORIES.
Memories are our innermost private captions of the life we shared with our loved one. Upon a loved one’s death, memories become etched in our personalities and contribute to who we are. They are the strings that link our souls together.
While death changes the nature of our relationships with our decedents, memories block death’s disruption to our connections with them. Memories are intangible pictures residing in our souls. We must utilize them for our comfort and recovery. Memories reflect our abiding love for our decedent directly into our souls as we remodel our lives and live without their physical presence. Not all memories are happy or pleasant, and in such circumstances, these memories need resolving. Some may require intervention, however, survivors can usually rectify these issues themselves.
Grief Brief 324
Memories 1
Memories are what connect us to ourselves and to others.
Some memories are sweet and others not so much.
Upon the death of a loved one, it is necessary to reconfigure our memories.
Our deceased loved one is no longer a living participant in our lives and must now become a loving and treasured memory.
Failure to reconfigure our loved one’s participation in our life as a memory will confuse our hearts and prolong our heartache.
Reconfiguring our loved one into a loving and treasured memory will deepen and purify our bonds with them. (Mourning Light III, 2019)
If you are in the throes of grief, I hope you will apply “The Three Grief Busters.” They work! I know this because I have seen their magic thousands of times. I offer my witness to their power through applied application to my own grief. In doing so, I have experienced their miraculous healing powers. Without them, I would not have survived the anguish suffered upon the loss of my grandson, witnessing the pain suffered by his devoted mother, nor the wretched torture unwittingly bestowed upon me by others within my family, my circle of friends, and my acquaintances.
“The Three Grief Busters” are simple and available to everyone; free of charge. They are powerful weapons against the pain of grief. These grief busting applications cannot be sold because they are spiritual gifts. They are available to every individual who desires them. They are held within your soul.
I wish so intensely that death were not a part of life, however, that fact cannot be changed. All we can do is commit to what is best in life, accomplish our purpose, assist others, and carry on.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.