OVERCOMING LONELINESS
As a funeral director, I see spousal loss more often than I like. Sometimes the husband passes first, but other times the wife passes first. Regardless of who passes, the surviving spouse not only experiences sadness, they experience extreme loneliness too.
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LONELINESS
Loneliness is frequently expressed by the bereaved, especially by those who have lost their spouses.
Social loneliness may be curbed through social support.
Emotional loneliness, however, is brought on by a broken attachment.
With such, a new attachment is the only remedy.
Certain survivors are unwilling to form new attachments and thereby endure severe loneliness indefinitely.
This behavior is more common among the elderly. (Mourning Light I, 2016)
Loneliness is difficult to overcome upon the death of one’s beloved. There are however, things one can do to push loneliness away. Realistically, the surviving spouse will most likely not feel like engaging in social activities for some time. However, human beings are social beings, and therefore, should engage in social activities as an integral part of their recovery strategy.
Social loneliness seems to be more easily addressed. To overcome social loneliness one must simply engage in social activities. Social activities would include going to church, joining a mall walkers or an exercise group, a club focused on one of your interests, or perhaps volunteer to offer service.
Service projects are also an amazing recovery strategy. Not only does the person or group that you volunteer to serve receive the assistance they need, but you receive benefits as well.
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SERVICE
Service to others brings instant movement away from the pain and anguish of grief.
It moves your focus from the pain you suffer onto the needs of others.
This redirection of focus brings progress to your life and allows your heart, mind, and efforts, to carry your soul back to a meaningful and peaceful existence.
Service will not shrink the significance of your loss; it merely shrinks your focus on that loss.
Shrinking your focus shrinks your pain.
“Your focus of mind paired with your actions of service, work in concert to enlarge your ability to experience joy and peace once again.
With that in mind, service should be your go-to treatment for recovery.” (Mourning Coffee for the Mourning Soul III, 2019)
Not only will service move you from the pain of grief, it changes your focus, and increases your ability to experience joy and peace. In short, service is good for all involved.
Emotional loneliness is not as easily overcome as social loneliness. Emotional loneliness requires that your emotions are involved or focused toward another person. In other words, a relationship must develop or increase.
Grief is suffered because you have lost a loved one. To overcome grief, love must find another upon whom to bestow that love.
When I was a young girl, my grandfather was murdered. At that time I realized that my grandmother began spending a lot more of her time with her grandchildren. She would come visit our family and before I knew it, she was with us for over a year. In fact, it was not unusual for her to stay with us for two years or longer. Throughout my unmarried life, my grandmother spent more time living with my family than she spent away from us. I loved my grandmother and I thoroughly enjoyed her lengthy visits with us.
As a young girl, I did not understand that my grandmother was intuitively taking care of her emotional loneliness. She bestowed her love upon her grandchildren without reservation. Spending time with us and serving us gave my grandmother both social and emotional loneliness relief. Being with us, she attended church, volunteered for my Girl Scout troop, cooked delicious Cajun meals for us, and helped my mother keep a clean house.
My grandmother was an avid reader and would share the volumes of knowledge stored in her brain with us. She was Google before Google existed. I could ask her about anything and she always knew the facts that I required.
She loved to laugh and would share her humor freely. She found joy in everything. There was definitely plenty at our home to keep her socially and emotionally engaged.
If you are suffering social or emotional loneliness and feel that you are ready to do something about it, try engaging in various activities. It is not absolutely necessary that you go out by yourself to activities. You can follow my grandmother’s lead and visit your grandchildren. You can join a group for exercising or find a club that focuses on something in which you are particularly interested. Moreover, if you are a believer, you can begin going to church or volunteer at your local hospital or other organization.
Socializing with family and friends, meeting and making new friends, and serving others are all great strategies to assist you in overcoming loneliness. Additionally, those with whom you engage will benefit as well.
