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Porch Cards - Mikey Joe 33

Tracy Lee • Jun 21, 2022

My daughter and I were speaking last week. She told me about a woman in her neighborhood who was involved in an accident. This particular woman is a young mother who was strolling her baby when a motorcyclist lost control of his vehicle and ran over them. The mother remains hospitalized in a coma. Fortunately, the baby was released into her father’s care after a time.

This creates a problematic situation for the father. Naturally, he is concerned and fearful for his wife’s condition. He may wonder if she will survive, he may also wonder what her quality of life will be if she does. He now has wee children at home without a mother’s tender and watchful care. How is he to care for them while working to provide for them? What if he has to bury his wife? What will the psychological effects be on their children without their mother loving and caring for them as they grow into adults?

Many questions remain unanswerable for this family. My daughter wants to reach out to them and offer her assistance. She asked me what she could do. She doesn’t know the family well, so cooking food for them would probably not be acceptable. We discussed several ideas that I thought were viable, so I wanted to share them with you.

Simply offering to help does not always assist a family in need. Families under enormous stress cannot reasonably decipher their immediate, much less, future needs. Suggesting something specific with an open-ended offer for something you may be unaware of is much more helpful.

If you ever want to help a family in tragic circumstances, here is a list of things you might offer to do for them.

1.  Drop off an unopened and uncooked frozen casserole

When I am called upon to cook for someone I do not know; I purchase a premade frozen Chicken Pot Pie or a frozen Lasagna. I deliver it frozen and unopened to their home with a card. That way, the family does not have to worry about eating something prepared by someone they do not know.

2.  Offer to do their laundry

Now, my husband would absolutely say no to this. He is very private and would not want anyone other than me washing his undergarments.

However, I suggested to my daughter that she say something like this.

“My children and I do our laundry on Tuesdays. I would be happy to do two or three loads for you and drop them back once they are done.” This type of offer allows the person in need to sort their laundry and hand over things like towels, linens, jeans, tee shirts, etc., and pull out any unmentionables to do themselves. Doing two or three loads of laundry for someone lightens their chore list and allows them control over what others see.

3.  Offer to do some grocery shopping

There are multiple ways to accomplish this task. First, do you want to ask them to make a grocery list or would you rather just purchase staple items that every kitchen needs? Do you want to pick the items up at the grocery store and deliver them to the home, or do you want to order them on Amazon or Walmart.com and have them delivered via truck? Whatever you decide to do, let the family know to expect the groceries. Anonymously sent groceries might find their way into the waste bin.

4.  Offer to do yard work

You might say something like this, “My children and I mow our lawn on Wednesdays and weed our flower beds on Thursday. If you’d like, we’d be happy to come by after we finish our yard and work on yours.”

5.  Sweep the porch and driveway

Perhaps your husband does the yard work, and you sweep the porch and driveway.

If that’s the case, make that offer to your neighbor or whomever you are trying to help.

“I will be sweeping and washing my driveway and porch next Tuesday. If you’d like, I could come over and do yours too.”

6.  Drive the kids to school

Another acceptable offer is to get the kids to school each morning. “Hey, I’ll be driving my children to school each morning. I’d be happy to drive yours too. Perhaps you don’t drive but walk your kids to the bus stop. If so, make that offer.

The point is that being specific is much easier on your neighbor or person in need rather than assigning them the task of asking you for assistance. At the end of your suggested offer, you could add, “or if there is something more pressing, just let me know, and I’ll get right on it.”

If you hear of someone who has lost a loved one and would like to offer sympathy, it is perfectly fine to do so, even if you do not know them. The back story of loss is often touching, and when you hear it, you want to offer comfort even though you are unacquainted with the survivor.

My daughter said that when she lost her son, several church members brought over meals for her family. She also said that something unexpected had happened and that it continued long after the meals stopped. She called this generous act of kindness “Porch Cards.” I had never heard of “Porch Cards,” so I asked her to elaborate.

Each morning, she would find several cards on her front porch. Many of the cards were from people who perhaps didn’t know her but wanted to reach out to offer their heartfelt sympathy. The cards came from people around her town who had heard that she had lost her child. The cards offered condolences, stories of loss, and prayers. These cards brought her much welcomed comfort.

Many of the cards came from parents who had also lost children. Sharing their stories helped her feel as though she was not alone and that she had not been singled out for this horrific experience. These cards, left on her doorstep by people whom she did not know but who had felt within their hearts the need to offer comfort, were very much a welcome daily ritual. From them, she drew strength and encouragement to seek recovery rather than give up. On days when she felt particularly vulnerable, she reread some of the cards to help her regain the courage she needed to continue breathing past the pain that weighed upon her very soul.

I have never heard of anyone doing this before. I think it is a very kind thing to do. Therefore, I would like to suggest a new tradition to everyone reading this article. If you hear of someone who has suffered a loss or a tragedy that you might not know and feel inclined to offer sympathy or encouragement, drop a “Porch Card” off on their front doorstep.

The kindnesses provided to me and my daughter upon the loss of my grandson, Mikey Joe, will remain in our hearts forever. We are thankful for every prayer offered on our behalf. We are grateful for the love we received from our family and friends. And, for those who offered unfettered support, love, and kindness without solicitation or association, we ask the Lord’s grace and blessings upon them forever.


By Tracy Lee 28 Sep, 2020
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer
By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C 26 May, 2020
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.
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