PUSHING PAST THE PAIN AND SORROW OF LOSS, DISAPPOINTMENT, AND ABANDONMENT, PART ONE

This morning I am sitting at my desk and approaching my weekly task of writing my bereavement article. I am reviewing the past two years of trials, pandemics, and loss, and I revel in the realization that I am blessed, my family loves me, and that Christ has prepared me, and carried me, through the most difficult times of my life. At this moment, when so many feel alone, I can stand and rejoice in the comfort of Christ’s mercy upon me.

That is a powerful statement because it is a powerful realization. Most of my life has been difficult monetarily. My roots are from poverty-stricken, barely educated people, and my choices followed that same pattern. On the flip side, my life has always overflowed with love and faith. I have never experienced a moment where I have felt alone, abandoned, or unloved.

Once I hit my golden years, I changed my life. I went back to college, educated myself, and with the love, support, and faith of my husband and children, I changed the broken part of my life. Today, I am better educated and more comfortable than ever before. A few years back, I lost my grandson. His loss has taught me that with faith, I can rise from the very depths of sorrowful hell.

I share these very personal insights into my life because I am going to share with you the secrets that enabled me to recover from the overwhelming pain and anguish of loss, as well as the pain of not reaching my potential earlier in life. It is important to realize that none of us is perfect, but that life is a series of steps that helps us improve as we travel through it. Forward and upward movement is all that we need to focus on, and eventually, if we cling to our faith, and do what is right, we will get to where we will be happier than we ever imagined.

These are Christ’s gift to us, the power to overcome our mistakes and sorrows, to forgive and be forgiven, to recover from trials and anguish, to assist and serve others along the way, to become who we should always be (His followers), and to return to heaven to live with God. These are amazing gifts, and they are freely offered to each of us.

Once I realized that I could still breathe after learning of my grandson’s death, I knew immediately that I would not survive such a tragedy without leaning on the everlasting arms of Christ. I knew I had to reach out and seek His guidance and ask for His comfort. Without His power, I was powerless to recover. I turned to prayer immediately.

Through prayer, I understood that my journey would be forever ongoing because my love for my grandson would never cease. I also understood that Christ and His angels would support me and help me come to a place where I could function again. The first step to recovery from anguish for me was asking for divine assistance. The second step was to support others as Christ did when He walked upon the earth.

In asking for divine assistance I received affirmation that Christ would help me. I felt spiritual comfort and my fear began to weaken. I held strong to my faith that Christ would be my companion and guide me back to a better place, and it began to happen almost immediately. I felt impressed that I should reach out to assist others who were suffering, and so, I immediately began to search out ways to accomplish this task.

Searching out others to offer assistance was like manna to my soul. Helping others who were suffering provided me with a purpose. It helped me focus on goals and tasks that took my mind away from the pain that engulfed my soul. It helped me socialize myself, rather than remain focused on the misery that was suffocating the very life out of me. It gave me respite from my anguish, and it gave me the joy to know that in some small way, I was paying the grace, extended to me by my Savior, to others who needed His love, assistance, and support. I searched and found others who needed someone to step in and help them bear their burdens. By mourning with others, I was able to offer comfort because I was able to relate to their pain. We shared our pains together and helped each other through the trials of anguish.

As we enter this holiday season, if you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, I hope that you will try this method of recovery. It worked for me, I hope it will work for you. Take this week and try it out. I think it will help you get through the holidays.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are absolutely the best seasons of the year unless you are drowning in the waters of grief. Grief, like a vacuum, sucks the joy out of almost everything. Take the time to help someone else find their joy and you will find your joy increasing exponentially.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” at

https://open.spotify.com/show/7MHPy4ctu9OLvdp2JzQsAA or at

https://anchor.fm/tracy874 and follow me on Instagram at "Deadline_TracyLee".

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John was Love

By Tracy Lee • September 28, 2020

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.

girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer

Mikey Joe XIX - Sympathy Gift

By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020

I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.