REMODELING AND TRADITIONS

Is remodeling a home ever fun for anyone? My husband and I have built (from the ground up) our funeral home and apartment, and fully remodeled two additional homes. We are currently remodeling our third home, and I can assure you, we are not having any fun whatsoever.

One might ask, why, if we already know that we do not enjoy construction, would we undertake a fourth home. If you are my age, the answer is perfectly reasonable and simple; grandchildren.

Our grandchildren want to come stay the summer with us and we live in a micro mini apartment within our funeral home. Not only that, but currently, we have our grandchildren’s very large and extremely
active puppy staying with us. There is not even room within our apartment for an extra pair of socks, let alone two very active young children. We have tackled this mountainous task because we are short on space, and need adequate room for our grandchildren’s visits.

Actually, we purchased this home quite some time ago, even before the COVID pandemic hit in 2020. Our daughter and her family were stationed in Hawaii when the pandemic was announced. With the
emergent threat of disease, we had her and the children return to the mainland. We all stayed in the house next door, hunkered down for safety, before we had time to update it. I believe its last update was late 1960’s, or early 1970’s. Whichever it was, updating was certainly over due.

We have struggled, as many have, trying to find someone even moderately qualified, willing to do the remodel. I can’t fathom it. People not wanting to work when there is work to be done; it’s
unbelievable. I love working and would never give it up unless forced to due to incapacitation. Working is part of who I am. If I’m not working, there is something dreadfully wrong. My children wouldn’t know what to do if their mother wasn’t working. I have always been self-employed and that means I have always worked, even when I had small children trailing behind me. If there are things I would never give up, they would be my family, my faith, and my work, in that order. Those are my three passions in life. Without them, life would be meaningless to me.

As amazing as this may sound, my husband and I finally found someone willing to work. Well, we thought we had. Demolition began and we were on our way to a complete remodel. Unfortunately, the first forecasted date of completion came and went, then the second followed suit. After noticing that not much was going on at our little house, we contacted our remodeler (again) to see what was up. He said he might come back over in a few weeks, delaying construction yet again. Our completion date is now over two months past due and we are only in the demolition phase. Our home is in worse condition than it was when the remodel began. At least then it had two working bathrooms and a functioning kitchen. Currently, we can’t even claim running water. Our outdated home in which we resided during the COVID pandemic, is now completely uninhabitable.

Our grandchildren call us daily wanting an update, and all we can tell them is that we are trying to find someone willing to work. My heart is broken. Time is slipping away. Soon school will reconvene and our
opportunity to enjoy our grandchildren this summer will slip beyond our grasp.

During COVID, my grandchildren and I began painting rocks together. Before we built our funeral home, my husband and I were artists. Since we were forbidden to exit our property during the health scare, we bought and installed playground equipment, plenty of toys, and art supplies for at home activities. My grandchildren enjoyed their COVID year confined in an outdated home, and playing and painting with their grandparents. I must admit, COVID was a fun year for me too. Thankfully, none of us became ill, and we were with each other 24 hours a day. That was heaven on earth. The final half of 2020 was spent helping my daughter and her husband transfer their lives from Hawaii to Washington DC. Washington DC is still a very long way from East Texas, but it is much more accessible than Hawaii.

Now, my husband and I find ourselves in a terrible dilemma. We have anxious grandchildren waiting on our home next door that is completely uninhabitable, and sadly, we cannot find anyone willing to show up to work and repair the demolition that has been havocked within its walls. Additionally, we have suffered multiple deaths within our family and we are trying to settle the tasks that accompany such experiences.

As people of our generation do, we continue to move forward. We search for someone to help us through our situation, someone who wants to earn their living, retain their dignity, and provide for their
family, rather than sit at home doing nothing. Additionally, each morning, I speak with my grandchildren, and we make our plans for activities once they eventually get here.

Our grandson wants to go fishing with his PaPa. His first fishing experience was in the height of COVID, and he loved it. This year, our granddaughter wants to join them. I think this will become a yearly tradition for them. My grandson asks to set up rules, as he calls them, each day during our conversations. One of his rules is that we paint a rock together each morning and that we find a magical spot to place it for other children to find. On the underside of our rocks, we inscribe an uplifting quote. We call our rocks “COVID Rocks Motivation,” and we place them around playgrounds, libraries, fishing ponds, school yards, and other places where children will most likely visit.

For us, the grandparents, completing the remodel of our small home next door is paramount. Our traditions, developed during the COVID crisis, are wonderful because they have welded the generations
of our family together. That weld will strengthen over time, even after we are gone. We want to keep those traditions alive by repeating them yearly.

Our grandchildren will always remember my husband and me, their time with us during the COVID crisis, the fun and conversations we shared, and the love that runs deep within our souls for each other. COVID Prison wasn’t all bad. Our activities together, now traditions will forever inspire love and lead my grandchildren to improve themselves and the world around them.

GRIEF BRIEF 42

TRADITIONS

Traditions are a wonderful tool for grief recovery.

Observing traditions that were once enjoyed with the deceased helps us accept that they are gone from us physically, yet with us still through the activities and love we shared together.

Such activities, now traditions, will aid your family by anchoring them securely to their heritage.

Observing traditions stabilizes a family through loss, expansion, and changing environments. (Mourning Light Compilation, 2022)

Traditions with my grandparents are some of my most treasured moments in life. They comfort me when I need comforting, and they bolster my strength when I suffer weakness and fear. I love my
grandparents, I appreciate the time they invested in me, the lessons they taught me, the importance of self-reliance they instilled in me, and I treasure the unconditional gifts of love with which they showered me.

I visited my grandmother’s grave last week; the week of Mother’s Day. As I stood at the foot of her grave, I played my harp and sang her a song. I will never forget her stories of hardship during the Great
Depression, her recovery from poverty, her absolute refusal to be a victim, and her triumphs through faith. I hope my grandchildren will have these same tools, passed along from their grandparents to
them during a time of incredible growth and hardship, companioned with unconditional love and sacrifice, and solidified through traditions.

The only things standing in the way of having my grandchildren here are a few demolished bathrooms and a gutted kitchen. I guess I better start developing construction skills; otherwise, it is going to be a summer of camping, and, although I loathe camping, I love and cherish my grandchildren and my time with them. They’ll be here with me soon because I will be next door with a hammer, a roll of duct tape, and a tube of super glue starting tonight. Armed with my tools of choice, that house is going to get finished one way or another.

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John was Love

By Tracy Lee • September 28, 2020

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.

girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer

Mikey Joe XIX - Sympathy Gift

By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020

I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.