LIFESAVERS
Having children and grandchildren is probably the most wonderful experience of life. When I was just a mother, I never thought anything could surpass the experience of having and loving my children. Joy, however, is magnified by grandchildren.
I think experiencing our children growing into adults and leaving home is so devastating that once we have grandchildren, we value our time with them more than anything else in life. Our time with them is limited, not only because they have parents of their own with whom they live, but as seniors, our life spans are shorter than ever before. We understand that our moments with them are priceless.
My children and grandchildren live very far from my home. My time with them takes precedence over everything else in life. When they come to visit me, I prep my extended family and friends to know that I will be unavailable for the duration of my grandchildren’s visit. Additionally, when I visit them, I turn off my cell phone and only respond to emergencies at home. I love my children and grandchildren. I think they know it.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. This is the first Mother’s Day I have spent without my mother. She died earlier this year. For Mother’s Day, I visited my mother’s grave for the first time. I was not apprehensive, but when I walked up to her grave, I was shocked by the bareness of the ground. You would think that seeing graves as much as I do, that fresh ground, would not startle me, but it did. I had anticipated lovely grass growing on my mother’s grave. Instead, all that was there was the red dirt of Louisiana.
My grandmother and mother are buried beside each other. I played my harp and found it difficult to sing to them in Memoria. I had not anticipated that either, but my heart was filled with sorrow, love, and yearning for them.
My grandmother was the oldest daughter in her family. My mother was the oldest daughter in her family. And, I am the oldest daughter in my family. I don’t know if that means anything, but it is something that we all have in common, and so I cherish it. It’s silly how silly things become important once someone has died, but they do. We hold onto things of the heart that never really mattered before and guard them as precious treasures.
This year has been challenging for me. I have suffered loss on so many fronts. I know that many of you have too, and I am sorry that you are suffering. I feel bombarded with grief and the details and drama of estates and greed. The unknown and fragility of life seem to encroach on me and rob me of my strength and confidence. I am fearful and unsure of my future, and I worry about the world’s politics and how they will affect the lives of my children and grandchildren.
As a grief counselor, I know these symptoms indicate a typical grief experience. As a mourner, they seem perilous and insurmountable. I suffer nausea and migraines, and I question my decisions and motives. I know that this will all pass as I adjust to my losses, but I wish the timetable were swifter moving.
I pray for God’s assistance with the trials I now face. I pray for the world’s populations, that the confusions of life will give way to clarity rather than fall prey to political powers, propaganda, and cultural agendas. I pray for an end to war and aggression, shortages, unfairness, natural disasters, and illnesses. Moreover, I try to focus my thoughts and remember the glories of life, the times of joy and peace, and the tranquility of love and family.
Additionally, I seek more than ever, opportunities to serve and share the gifts and miracles God has bestowed on our imperfect world with others. And, I try to instill hope, even though I feel mine faltering, and rely upon faith that a brighter and lighter day is coming that will lift my soul and reduce my burdens.
Until I am liberated from grief, I will rely on God’s most precious gifts; the gifts for which I would give my life. In turn, those same gifts are those that will save me. These gifts provide and renew my strength, my power, and my enduring faith. Without these gifts, my life would be meaningless, and I would perish in pain and anguish. These lifesavers that carry the healing powers of heaven are my marriage to an honorable man and the most glorious miracle of all, the miraculous gift that I share with my mother and grandmother, the gift of motherhood.
