Suicide Prevention III
Tracy Lee • May 12, 2020
SUICIDE PREVENTION TIP #2: RESPOND QUICKLY IN A CRISIS
Once you have confirmed your suspicions that your friend or family member is indeed contemplating suicide, you need to evaluate their immediate risk level. Persons intending (INTENT) immediate action upon themselves will have mapped out a specific plan of action (PLAN), they will have prepared their mode or means of action (MEANS), they will have planned or set aside a specific time for the deed (TIME).
Exploratory Questions
Asking the following questions will allow you to evaluate their immediate risk factor.
INTENT: Do you intend to take your own life?
PLAN: Do you have a plan to take your own life?
MEANS: Do you have what you need to carry out your plan?’
TIME: When do you plan to commit your suicide?
Determine Risk Level
Upon receiving the answers to these questions, apply the following evaluation:
LOW
Answers with some suicidal thoughts.
Does not express a suicidal plan.
Says that he or she will not attempt suicide.
MODERATE
Answers with suicidal thoughts.
Expresses vague plans that are not lethal.
Says he or she will not attempt suicide.
HIGH
Answers with suicidal thoughts.
Expresses organized plan that is highly lethal.
Says he or she will not attempt suicide.
SEVERE
Answers with suicidal thoughts.
Expresses organized plan that is highly lethal.
Says he or she will attempt suicide.
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, DIAL 911. If your friend or loved one is calm and you are not in danger, you may wish to call a local crisis center or take the person to the nearest emergency room. It is also important to safely remove any objects that may be dangerous or cause harm to the suicidal person. Things like guns, drugs, knives, razors, ropes, belts, etc. can be used as methods to inflict death upon oneself. It is also paramount that if possible, you should remain with the suicidal person so that they do not attempt to kill themselves before help arrives. One should always remember, however, that there are two lives in the room at risk. Do not take on the responsibility of preserving this person’s life at the peril of your own. Call in professional help.
DIAL 911 IMMEDIATELY and let the experts do what they do best.
SUICIDE PREVENTION TIP #3: OFFER HELP AND SUPPORT
If your friend or family member is suicidal, the best way to help him or her is to offer an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. Do not take upon yourself the responsibility for making your loved one well. You can offer support, but you cannot make a suicidal person well. The suicidal person is the only person who can accomplish their recovery. They must make a personal commitment to recovery. They must seek the assistance of a physician.
It takes immense courage and commitment to help someone who is suicidal. Witnessing a loved one in the throes ending his or her life can bring about many difficult emotions. As you are helping a suicidal person, do not forget to take care of yourself. Talking to someone that you trust—a friend, family member, clergyman, or counselor—about your thoughts and feelings is a good practice.
HELPING A SUICIDAL PERSON
Get professional help.
Do everything in your power to get a suicidal person the help he or she needs.
Call a crisis line for advice and referrals.
Encourage the person to see a mental health professional.
Help locate a treatment facility.
Take them to a doctor's appointment.
Follow-up on treatment.
If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your friend or loved one takes it as prescribed.
Be aware of possible side effects.
Notify the physician if the person seems to be getting worse. (It often takes time and persistence to find the proper medication or therapy in depression, mental illness, and substance dependency cases.)
Be proactive.
Be direct. Being vague with someone who is contemplating suicide often does not work
Drop by to check on them.
Call them rather than wait for a call from them.
Invite them to activities and pick them up if they are without transportation.
Encourage positive lifestyle changes
Help them plan a healthy diet.
Help them accomplish a healthy sleep pattern.
Encourage getting out in the sun or into nature for at least 30 minutes each day.
Exercise is also extremely important as it releases endorphins, relieves stress, and promotes emotional well-being.
Make a safety plan
Help the person develop a set of steps he or she promises to follow during a suicidal crisis.
Identify any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis, such as an anniversary of a loss, alcohol, or stress from relationships.
List contact numbers for the person's doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
Remove potential means of suicide
Remove all pills (except for those currently prescribed for their psychotic treatment or other life-threatening ailments), knives, razors, ropes, firearms or other materials they may have used in the past for suicide attempts.
If the person is likely to take an overdose, keep medications locked away or give out only as the person needs them.
Continue your support over the long haul.
Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person, periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the recovery track. Sudden or complete withdrawal of your presence may weaken their strength.
(Helpguide.org)
Witnessing the despair of another human being and assisting his or her recovery is a tough human experience. Living through the anguish of your guilt as you stand beside their casket for doing, nothing to assist them is unbearable. If you recognize suicidal factors in someone, the minimal effort asked of you is to press three little numbers on your cell phone and tell someone. Dial 911 and someone else will take over if you cannot. If you will do that, you can save a life, you can squelch despair, and you can walk away.
As a funeral director and certified grief counselor, I applaud all of those brave and dedicated souls who shore up and save the lives of suicidal friends and family members. I also applaud the dedication of those whose work is to diagnose and manage those who are mentally ill to a place where they can live and function once again without being a threat to themselves. But without hesitation, I applaud as well, those anonymous souls who dial 911 without leaving their names and report desperately lost and hurting people who without their watchful eye, would have in that split moment ended their lives. I applaud them because the families of those desperate people are not in arrangement rooms across the nation meeting with funeral directors with tears in their eyes wondering why their family member committed suicide. Rather, they are meeting with doctors at hospitals receiving assistance to save the lives of their loved ones and mending illnesses that will prevent loss of life in the future.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am the owner and Managing Funeral Director at Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City Texas. I am an author, syndicated columnist, and certified grief counselor. I write books and weekly bereavement articles related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.