THE COST OF A SOUL
Tracy Lee • November 6, 2020
I addressed the family, as I often do, at the close of their service. We had been there four times before, burying members of their family. Today was a beautiful fall afternoon.
The last time we had traveled to their cemetery, the weather had been quite different. The wind was whipping, the rain was torrential, the temperature was unusually bitter, and the grave flooded over its banks. We pumped and pumped, but no matter what, we could not drain the grave. It turned out that there was a natural spring running just below the plot. It was a battle that could not be won.
This family is special to me. I met them just after I returned home to open my business. They are sweet people, kind people, the sort of people who will take their last crust of bread and give it to someone who is hungry and down of their luck. The sort of people who used to be numerous across our country, but in more recent times, seem fewer and fewer.
Working in my business, kindness is a much sought after commodity. My grandmother always used to tell me, “It costs nothing to be kind, but to be unkind costs your soul.” I wonder if people realize the cost of a soul. Sometimes, I wonder if most people understand what their soul is, what its value is. I think that a person who has lost his/her soul would tell you that a soul is priceless.
That’s what I think, that a soul is priceless. That’s what I see in my work. Persons who have lost their souls due to unkind behavior or actions toward another, are persons who can barely bare their burdens. They writhe in anguish over past offenses toward others, especially toward their dead. The problem is that a moment ago there was something they could have done to repair their deeds. Now, their loved one is gone and they can’t correct their actions. Within a twinkling of an eye, all is changed. They have gone from arrogant, callous, and rude, to pitiful, broken, and lost. Some are repentant, some are not. The problem is that repentance toward another requires restitution. Once someone has died, how can there be restitution.
Fortunately for us, the Savior suffered our restitutions when he took upon him the sins of the world. Repentance and forgiveness are only available through Christ’s redeeming grace. Some may say that you must simply accept Christ into your heart to be saved. In my daily work, I see that it takes more than that.
A person who simply says that they accept Christ has done nothing to rectify their evil deeds. In my heart, I believe it takes more than words. I believe it takes a change not only of heart, but in deeds. One must pattern themselves after Christ to draw nearer to Him. I believe it takes a change of heart, a change of intent, a change of action, and a change of soul.
The decedent’s daughter could not bring herself to attend her mother’s funeral. As an adult, her behavior toward her mother had been less than kind. As her mother lay dead in my parlor and the pastor began to ready himself to begin the services, I called a halt. One daughter had left to plead with her sister to come to their mother’s funeral. I was not going to allow both daughters to miss their final moments with the woman who had loved them more than life itself.
As the congregation sat quietly in their seats one of the daughters returned. She reported that her sister would not be coaxed into coming to their mother’s funeral.
The service began. One daughter sat there alone on the front row, no one beside her to console her through the worst day of her life. But, what about her sister? The sister who couldn’t find it in her power to overcome her deeds toward their mother. That daughter was sitting home all alone, living out the terrible moments of her life, and remembering her unkind behavior toward her departed mother. That daughter, sitting alone at home without any support from anyone, was in danger of losing her soul.
My prayer is that the daughter who could not bear to be at her mother’s funeral will find a way back to happiness. You see, her battle, unlike our battle against the creek flooding the grave, is a battle that can be won. All she has to do is change her ways.
I hold hope in my heart that she will not lose herself to her anguish. I hope that she will seek the Savior’s grace and pattern her life into something kinder. In doing so, she will reclaim her peace and live her life free from soul-crushing anguish. At that juncture, she will be able to live in peace as her mother rests in peace.
“It costs nothing to be kind, but to be unkind costs your soul.” (Amma Zylks Harville, 1913 – 1999)
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.