THE SURVIVOR'S FINANCIAL PLIGHT
Tracy Lee • November 6, 2020
The death of one’s spouse requires infinite adjustments in one’s life. Whether one is senior or youthful, the reliance one has upon the other is mammoth. The personalities of selves; meld, and their union creates a new identity consisting of two who function as one. This joining of love and complete commitment to each other magnifies the power, ability, and motivation of their union to a never before realized invincibility. If the two remain committed through life, death brings a devastation of the soul. Engaging in philanthropic or charitable strategies will assist the survivor to heal the wounds inflicted through loss. Survivors should also consider rendering service to others, refocusing on life’s skills development, and reengaging with those who rely upon their influence. These activities will occupy and redirect the mind and assist the survivor in their quest for recovery.
As a funeral director and grief counselor, I find that many survivors of spousal loss experience not only wounds to their souls but extreme financial inaccuracies and difficulties. Many spousal survivors depend on mythical income that is not available to them.
When I was a child, I remember my grandmother managing her income, daily. She worked and invented methods to survive on very little.
She never assumed that it was anyone else’s responsibility to provide her with income, and she was an expert at maximizing usage and stretching funds.
Today, many seem to believe that the government is responsible for providing for their needs, as well as their monetary desires. The reality is that the government is not an income-producing enterprise; it is one that liberally takes according to its desires. The money divvied out by the government is money taken from someone else’s labor.
As Americans, our constitution does not only provide liberty from physical restraint but includes our right to work and enjoy the fruits of our labors. Because I was raised at the feet of a woman who believed and practiced utter self-reliance, I believe that seeking and taking hand-outs from one’s government is stealing from one’s fellow beings. Essentially, accepting government hand-outs when one is capable of self-reliance, invites, and allows the government to practice ownership over you. It also perpetuates the enslavement of the self-reliant by forcing them to carry government reliant citizens on their backs as they toil to uphold their constitutional liberties.
This social mindset places those who do not prepare themselves for self-reliance and who do not research the realities of government financial reliance (a.k.a. socialism), in a precarious financial weakness upon the death of their spouse. I have seen it so many times, and it breaks my heart to witness an unprepared surviving spouse ask me to intervene on their behalf to the government for survival funding. The reality is that asking the government to heal your catastrophic monetary miscalculations is just as likely accomplished as asking them to heal your grief-stricken soul. They do not have the capability, nor the capacity, to do either. Additionally, there is nothing a funeral director can say or do to influence the government to change their practices.
Social security benefits are funds prepaid into a government fund through the toils of working citizens that have been set aside for seniors as a retirement cushion. These funds were never intended for total reliance, however, many find themselves in this exact situation. Social security funds provide restricted returns for their investment and carry strict qualifications. One should understand that any governmental term that includes the root word “social” in it is defined as the sharing of one's fruits with others, without the donor’s consideration, justly or unjustly, according to the prevailing political attitudes. That, dear friends, is the epitome of leaving the balance of your future in the hands of ambiguously foreboding possibilities.
For clarity purposes, the Social Security Administration imposes the following restrictions on those seeking funds.
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ELIGIBILITY
The deceased worker must have credit for work covered by Social Security ranging from 1.5 to 10 years, depending upon the age at death.
WHO MAY RECEIVE BENEFITS
A widow or widower age 60 or older (50 if disabled), or at any age if caring for an entitled child who is under 16 or disabled
A divorced widow or widower age 60 or older (50 if disabled) if the marriage lasted 10 years, or if caring for an entitled child who is under 16 or disabled
Unmarried children up to 18 (19 if they are attending a primary or secondary school full- time)
Children who were disabled before reaching 22, as long as they remained disabled
Dependent parent or parents 62 or older
The Social Security Administration does issue a one-time lump-sum death benefit to certain survivors.
WHO MAY QUALIFY FOR LUMP-SUM BENEFIT
A surviving spouse who lived in the same household as the deceased person at the time of death
A surviving spouse eligible for or entitled to benefits for the month of death
A child or children eligible for or entitled to benefits for the month of death
SURVIVORS MUST APPLY FOR BENEFITS
Survivors must apply in order to receive benefits at any Social Security office, or apply by telephone at 1-800-772-1213, or apply online at www.ssa.gov. Just dial the toll-free number 1-800-772-1213 and the operator will schedule an appointment for you or arrange for the local Social Security office to take your claim by telephone.
CONTACT SOCIAL SECURITY
You may contact the Social Security Administration toll-free, 365 days a year, 24 hours a day at 1-800-772-1213.
To speak with a representative, call between the hours of 7:00 am and 7:00 pm on regular business days. At other times and on weekends and holidays, you may leave a message and they will call you back, in most cases, the next business day.
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Unfortunately, many US citizens who survive their spouses believe that the Social Security Administration will forward them an income based solely upon the fact that they have become widowed. This is not the case. You and your decedent must meet certain criteria for you to be eligible to receive funds.
Hopefully, this article will help you understand the imposed qualifications to receive social security funding. My personal suggestion is that if you are relying upon social security funds, that you go the www.ssa.gov, confirm your qualification status, and calculate your possible benefits.
Doing so before you find yourself in a situation that leaves you monetarily vulnerable may assist you in preparing a more realistic and sound financial future.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.