THE DD214

If you would like to have the pageantry of military honors presented at your deceased veteran’s end-of-life services, you must produce a DD214 to your funeral director so that they can offer it as proof when requesting honors. One may not even obtain the issue of an American flag to drape the decedent’s casket without this simple piece of paper.

Many civilians wonder why nothing can be accomplished without the DD214. After all, other proofs of military service are generally found within the custody of family members. Why won’t one of those work? What about pictures of their loved one engaged in military operations? In the minds of family members, photographs provide visual proof of military service. Therefore, they wonder why a funeral director will not act with such vivid evidence. What is so special about the DD214 that nothing else will suffice?

As a funeral director, I am often faced with these questions from survivors of military veterans. Many survivors will try to bargain and offer to cut down on the options of honors by simply going for the flag to drape over the casket. Others will offer to buy their own flag if the funeral director will step forward, fold the flag, and present it to the family. These requests are heartbreaking because the answer from the funeral director is an emphatic “No.”

Military Honor Details impart gratitude and respect from our citizenry for the veteran’s selfless acts of valor, it is a moment of recognition from the Commander and Chief for the particular sacrifices associated with military service suffered by the veteran and his or her family, and it marks the void within the ranks of service members upon their loss of one of their own. It is deserving, it is official, and it moves the soul.

A funeral director cannot impersonate a military honor detail and present honors at the funeral of a deceased veteran. By virtue of impersonation, the honor is absent. Military honors are presented by those who have, or are currently serving and defending, the people of the United States and the world at large. It is a rite of passage, an honor presented by one who shares that same honor, who understands and has experienced the same sacrifices, and by one who willingly defends, or has defended, another’s liberties while setting aside his or her own. This is the caliber of person who serves in the United States Military. A funeral director does not carry that same honor, has not made those same sacrifices, and in no way should ever attempt to devalue the service member’s commitment, sacrifices, and sufferings through impersonation.

So why is the DD214 the only acceptable proof for military honors? The answer is simple. Military Honors are presented to honorable military service members only. The DD214 is the official paper issued upon separation of service, which carries the designation of discharge. Section 578 of the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2000 requires the Department of Defense (DOD) to provide, upon request, Military Funeral Honors (MFH) for eligible veterans. Any person (Active, National Guard, or Reserve) who has completed at least one enlistment or other obligated military service and received an honorable discharge is eligible for Military Funeral Honors. Military Funeral Honors may not be furnished for any individual convicted of a capital offense under federal or state law for which the person was sentenced to death or life without parole.

Eligibility for Military Funeral Honors

5-2.1 Served in the active military, naval, or air service and who was discharged or released under conditions other than dishonorable by means of an honorable or under honorable conditions (general) discharge; or

5-2.2 Was a member or former member of the selected reserve; and

5-2.3 Completed at least one (1) enlistment as a member of the selected reserve or, in the case of an officer, completed the initial obligated service as a member of the selected reserve; or

5-2.4 Was discharged before completion of the person’s initial enlistment as a member of the selected reserve or, in the case of an officer, period of initial obligated service as a member of the selected reserve, for a disability or aggravated in life of duty; or

5-2.5 Died while a member of the selected reserve.

(Military Funeral Honors Handbook, Dated 11 November 2010 Chapter 5, Eligibility for Military Funeral Honors, 5-2.1 through 5-2.5)

On the flip side, individuals who have, at any time, been discharged or released from military service with one of the following characterizations are NOT eligible for Military Funeral Honors.

5-4.1 Dishonorable discharge

5-4.2 Bad conduct discharge

5-4.3 Dismissal from the service awarded by a court-martial

5-4.4 Under other than honorable conditions discharge

5-4.4 An officer’s resignation for the good of the service in lieu of court-martial, which results in a discharge of under other than honorable conditions.

(Military Funeral Honors Handbook, Dated 11 November 2010 Chapter 5, Eligibility for Military Funeral Honors, 5-4.1 through 5-4.5)

That’s as simple as it gets. In a world where dishonor has become acceptable, honorable men and women must present proof of their honor upon death.

God Bless America, her purpose, and her honorable, selfless, military service members.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

It is my life’s work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

Post Script: In case of loss by the veteran and destruction through fire or flood by the US Government, an NA Form 13038, Certification of Military Service may be issued upon request through the National Personnel Records Centers, National Archives, to reconstruct military service data, and may suffice in lieu of a DD Form 214, Report of Separation, as it generally contains the terms or designation of separation.

< Older Post Newer Post >

John was Love

By Tracy Lee • September 28, 2020

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.

girl, contemplation, sadness, loss, prayer

Mikey Joe XIX - Sympathy Gift

By Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020

I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.