Mikey Joe XVII - Christmas 2019
Tracy Renee Lee, FDIC, GC-C • May 26, 2020
Have you had experiences that you wish you could re-live over and over again as time passes? There is an experience in my life that I hope never to re-live. That experience is the loss of my grandson. I hope that I never experience the loss of any of my children or grandchildren ever again. It has been nearly two years since my grandson, Mikey Joe, passed, yet the pain still cuts my heart into shreds. My pain is not constant. I have days, weeks, even months, where I am okay with thinking of him and seeing his grave, but then some days creep in and crush me like a Mac truck rolling over me back and forth several times.
Mikey Joe is buried on our estate, so I see his grave every time I enter or exit my front door. Seeing his grave and knowing that it is within my care, brings me great comfort.
The loss of a child is backward. Loss is supposed to happen during old age, not during new life. It is tough to reconcile the soul’s emotions and accept this type of loss. It is a burden that should not exist. Of course, I wish death did not exist at all. I see the pain that my clients suffer, and I feel my pain, and I wonder how we endure. I wonder why we must endure. Surely, this pain is a terrible nightmare that if only I could wake up, would disappear. The problem is that it is 5:00 AM; I just woke up about 30 minutes ago. Waking up does not make the nightmare go away; it brings into focus the reality of my loss.
It is winter in East Texas, Christmas is just around the corner. As I rose from my bed this morning, my thoughts drifted to the morning of my grandson’s funeral. Dressed in my jammies, I walked outside to his sweet little grave. I began raking the leaves and pulling the weeds to tidy things up for him. As I did so, tears filled my eyes. I prayed to God that my grandson knows that I love him and that I miss him. I also prayed for the comfort of my daughter’s heart and that of her husband’s too. I took a little picture of Mikey Joe’s grave to text to my daughter later today. She will be happy that his grave has been attended. She will cry because she loves him and misses him so, but she will be appreciative, and it will bring her comfort.
Today, love for my grandson fills my heart, but it is overshadowed by pain of loss. I shall facetime his brother and sister in a few hours. Seeing and conversing with them will help me overcome my melancholy. You see, that is the secret to recovery. We grieve because we love something that is no longer within our reach. The only way to mend our gaping wound of pain and sorrow is to refill it with that which is missing; love.
The heart has an infinite capacity to love: the more we love, the more we are able to love. In contrast, the heart is unable to sustain grief. The more we grieve, the less we experience love, the more we hurt, and the closer we move toward death.
Today my soul will be filled with laughter, love, and happiness as I facetime my sweet grandchildren. I must wait a few hours though, as it is only 2:00 AM at their home in Hawaii. They will awaken soon, and then my world will change. The sun will shine on my soul through the wonderment of my grandchildren, and I will be gloriously happy. I thank God that I have them.
I see their little brother in them. His perfect nose is planted squarely on his sweet sister’s adorable face. It crinkles when she smiles. His firm chin matches the strength displayed in his older brother’s profile. I am sure his personality would have matched his siblings, so loving, curious, and full of wonderment.
Yesterday, my daughter took her son out for a mother-son date. They went to see a new children’s film released earlier this week. As they were waiting for the movie to begin, my grandson could not be consoled with popcorn and candy; he wanted his little sister there with him. He missed her and wanted to enjoy the movie with her. You see, when you have suffered loss, precious moments with those you love become ever important, even to children.
I love my grandchildren so much, and I miss them beyond belief. I wish with every breath that I take that they could live nearer to me. I am grateful for the responsibility of caring for Mikey Joe’s grave. It brings me comfort to have his little body so near.
In just a few days it will be Christmas Eve. My husband and I, along with our youngest daughter, will place a Christmas tree next to Mikey Joe’s grave. With my husband’s guitar and my harp, we will play and sing Christmas carols to our sweet grandson as we usher in the celebration of our Savior’s birth.
I believe in Christ. Without His love, I would not have survived Mikey Joe’s death. The pain was too agonizing for me to bear on my own accord. Without my Savior’s gift of life over death, I would not have found a reason to continue breathing. His grace has lifted my broken heart, and although I yearn for my grandson, I know that life is eternal and that I will see him again.
I believe that families are forever and that when I die, I will reunite with my loved ones who have passed before me. I believe that we will wait together, anticipating the return of those who remain living, and those yet to be born, to one day join us in our quest for eternal happiness.
I am grateful for my Savior’s atoning sacrifice. His grace erases my shortcomings and makes it possible for an imperfect being to receive His Father’s forgiveness.
I hold in highest regard the privilege of freedom, for, without it, I might not be able to worship as the dictates of my heart rejoice.
I am thankful for the purity of love, that it is all enduring, that its force is humanity’s strength, and that it motivates charity. Charity, the purest form of love, is humanity’s only hope for survival against the evils which prevail upon us in today’s mindless confusions of purpose.
I cherish my family, my marriage to my devoted husband, the gift of our loving children, the endowment of our sweet grandchildren, and the blessing of our tiniest angel, Mikey Joe. Without family, life would be mundane and for naught.
I hope that as you enter the blessed Christmas season that you will be surrounded by those who love and cherish you. If you are separated from your family due to responsibilities, I hope that you feel their love in your heart and that you will be reunited soon. If you are alone due to loss, I pray that you feel the Savior’s love and know that his birth, his mission, his death, and his resurrection have made it possible for you to receive God’s greatest gift; eternal life as a family, eternal life as His family.
As we celebrate Christmas, may we recall the glorious praise, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men.” Luke 2:14
I ask for God’s goodwill toward you, Merry Christmas.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.
It is my life’s work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have suffered the loss of a dear friend and have served families that have suffered great losses. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused unwarranted loss, stress, and heartache to so many people this year. Not only have we lost loved ones, but we have lost our economy, our comfort, and our security as Americans. Everywhere I look, it seems that people are rude and uncaring toward each other when what we need is love. I wish we could be kind to each other, considerate to each other, and help each other through our difficulties rather than burning cities, burning businesses, and tearing apart what makes up great, our Union. Americans are the most blessed people in the world. We live in a time of convenience and wealth. Why is it then that we can’t add kindness and respect to our society? Why must there be murders and brutal attacks on innocent people walking down the street? I work with families every day who would give all that they have for just one more moment with their loved one to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Time is so precious, but even more precious is the way that we treat others. For if we treat others with contempt, we will reap the bitter reward of hatred. Hate eats a person from the inside out, and no matter how hard a hateful person tries to find happiness, it will never come to them. I know this because I see it every day. A hateful heart has no room for happiness. Happiness only comes to those who love. Love is like light. Light is the only thing that is stronger than the dark. If you have a completely dark room and you strike a match, the light from that match will push the darkness away and light up the room. Conversely, if you have a room filled with light and you cup your hands to create a spot of darkness. As soon as you open your hands, the dark is gone. Light overpowers it just as love overpowers hate. Love is the only thing that is stronger than hate. If you strike an ember of love in the heart of someone full of hate, love will grow and overtake their hatred. In my profession, love is very important. I see all too often those who have pushed love aside thinking that they were winning an argument or for some other ridiculous reason. What I see when this happens is that at the end of life, those who were foolish and let hatred get the best of them suffer the most. They remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Don’t be one of these people. Don’t let hatred get the best of you. And most assuredly, let us not allow hatred to overtake our country. I don’t want to live in a world filled with hatred and discontent. I want happiness and love for all. I especially want love in your life when you suffer loss because believe me, when the grim reaper knocks, it’s too late to cry for one more moment to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” At that moment, the weight of hatred crushes every hope you ever had to make amends, to accomplish happiness, or to right any wrong you may have perpetrated. It’s too late and you are the person who will suffer the consequences of your vicious actions. You are the person who will have no friends, no love, and who will die alone; miserable because of your hatred and terrible deeds. I know because I see it in so many people who thought they could just make a statement, a judgment, or an action and not suffer the consequences. In the end, it’s the hateful people who suffer the consequences. They die alone without love or support. Their needs are not met and they writhe in misery. I lost a dear friend this past week. He was kind, loving, and good. He made the world a better place, and he made my life happier through his actions of kindness toward me. I wish everyone alive could have known my friend. Christ died to make man holy, and my friend John took up his offer. John was a holy man. He lived his life serving others, teaching others, and helping anyone who needed help. He was filled with love and he shared his love with those who needed it. If we could all be like John, the world would be an amazingly happy and beautiful place. John is gone and I feel the weight of his loss deeply in my soul. He leaves a legacy of service to our nation, service to Christ, and service to anyone who needed it. He was a good man, a great man, and now he is gone. I will have the honor of directing his memorial service in a few days. The church will be bursting as those who John served make their way there to express their sorrow and love for him. I will be one of those people. John’s legacy will continue in his absence because he ignited goodness, love, and service in the hearts of those about him. May we all understand and embrace John’s mission in life to serve and love our fellow beings. Doing so will bring us the greatest rewards. It will fill our lives with the greatest gifts on earth; joy, happiness, and love. This is my prayer for you, for our nation, and for the world during this time of uncertainty and discontent. Thank you, John, for being my friend, and my God bless you as you arrive home, never to suffer more, the pains of the world nor heartaches of men. Godspeed.
I received a first call late last night and was therefore at the hospital when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. As we spoke, she told me that her father had recently died. She began to cry and I offered to send over a set of my grief books (Mourning Light I, II, & III) to her office the following morning. I wrote her a sympathy card and delivered the books about 15 minutes ago. She had not yet arrived at her office, so I left the books and card with her secretary. The following is the note I wrote in the sympathy card. I thought I would share it, in hopes that it might help others who mourn as well. Dear Friend, February will be the 2nd anniversary of my grandson’s death. It is said that “Death is Final”; that is untrue. The pain and loneliness remain in my soul, and it feels as though I held his lifeless body, yesterday, in my arms. That day broke me; it almost killed me. Had I not had the love and support of my husband and children, I don’t think my sanity would have remained with me. The pain continues to crush my soul with anguish. There are 4 things that have helped me survive the debilitating pain of losing my grandson, and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you might find peace in them as well. Prayer Prayer was, and continues to be, my saving grace. Without the love and promise of Christ’s redeeming grace, peace would remain unobtainable. Recounting my Experience Sharing my story out loud made it real. It took away my fear. It gave me power over the chaos of pain. Information As a certified grief counselor, knowing what to expect and whether it was normal or abnormal helped keep my worries at bay. The books that I have sent over are filled with information, plainly and simply written, to help you understand and identify the symptoms of grief, as well as recovery’s signs and secrets. Journaling Writing down my anguishes, thoughts, pains, worries, and fears helped me to let them go. I was able to organize myself, and it gave me hope for my future. I am sorry for the dreadful sorrow in your heart, and the pain that infiltrates your daily existence. I understand that breathing feels unnatural, it takes effort to continue on, and that peace eludes you. I wish that death did not exist, but it is a reality that the both of us know all too well; one that we must endure. I believe that families are forever, that we are all God’s children, and that we will reunite with our loved ones across the veil as we too, one day, experience death. Until that day arrives, however, I pray that you and I will live our lives as emissaries of Christ, basking in his grace, and recipients of his glory. I hope that as you suffer the loss of your daddy that you will feel comfortable in reaching out to others, and that you might call me should you need assistance. The pain of grief should never be carried nor suffered in silence, nor alone. Reach out and allow those who love and care for you to lighten your burdens. Life will never be as it once was, but it will improve as you share priceless moments of peace with those who remain by your side. I hold you in high esteem, and pray that Christ’s promise will grace your soul. With Deepest Regards, Tracy Lee My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on, as well as educate adults in the needs of surviving children.